Changes and constants
Recently things have changed so essentially that i thought i'd never be able to factor it in to an ongoing narrative of how i've always thought of things, but by being here, it's like i'm willing to continue to make sense of things.
Firstly there are the concrete matters which become inconsequential when scrutinized, but symbolize deeper things which perhaps i have no words ever for.
But it is in the functioning of an expression succession that one can find out.
Concrete thing #1
In the past i strove to be a vocal proponent for physical media, i vociferously insisted that i could not watch movies on the computer screen.
There's been a complete 180 degree turn from this, and shall be addressed here and maybe more later. I just need to get it all out, like a verbal vomit. Then i'll feel better. I know, no need for dramatics.
So now i prefer to see everything on the computer screen. A normal person would at most just mention something as a conversation starter like the new Dahmer series, but the simple fact of watching other things imo needs contextualizing, endless clarifications.
Every single interest of mine is considered by me as sort of alien, and the more i like it, the more amazing it is, and i stammer in my efforts to talk about them.
It's like they weren't what i chose, but ... they chose me.
For years i thought i didn't deserve fine cinema, i had it all too easy, i needed to punish the senses. But fine cinema can have a punitive effect, some of the most tasty celluloid dishes are challenging.
EXHIBIT A - Ulrike Ottinger - ultra fine experimental German filmmaker, evoking early Werner Schroeter, i am over my heels in love with it but it's also like nails being scratched on a chalkboard.
My interests came from a parallel reality, where the dim recesses of my memory are sanctified by a dual force exhibiting decay and magic.
All this stuff, dvd's blu-rays and books, my plan is to slowly sell them all at a bookstore downtown, since i don't know how to use eBay and neither does anyone i know. All my entertainment and education shall be environmentally friendly.
Somewhere here i digressed, and digress i must always until that moment when i don't, and that may never happen, it would only happen when i don't think it would.
My movie at present is Loves of a Blonde by Milos Forman a Czech New Wave essential, there's hundreds of titles i've wanted to see for ages right there at my fingertips now. At the end of each month i could share a list of what has been seen. These things are fun in that parallel reality btw .....;)
Firstly there are the concrete matters which become inconsequential when scrutinized, but symbolize deeper things which perhaps i have no words ever for.
But it is in the functioning of an expression succession that one can find out.
Concrete thing #1
In the past i strove to be a vocal proponent for physical media, i vociferously insisted that i could not watch movies on the computer screen.
There's been a complete 180 degree turn from this, and shall be addressed here and maybe more later. I just need to get it all out, like a verbal vomit. Then i'll feel better. I know, no need for dramatics.
So now i prefer to see everything on the computer screen. A normal person would at most just mention something as a conversation starter like the new Dahmer series, but the simple fact of watching other things imo needs contextualizing, endless clarifications.
Every single interest of mine is considered by me as sort of alien, and the more i like it, the more amazing it is, and i stammer in my efforts to talk about them.
It's like they weren't what i chose, but ... they chose me.
For years i thought i didn't deserve fine cinema, i had it all too easy, i needed to punish the senses. But fine cinema can have a punitive effect, some of the most tasty celluloid dishes are challenging.
EXHIBIT A - Ulrike Ottinger - ultra fine experimental German filmmaker, evoking early Werner Schroeter, i am over my heels in love with it but it's also like nails being scratched on a chalkboard.
My interests came from a parallel reality, where the dim recesses of my memory are sanctified by a dual force exhibiting decay and magic.
All this stuff, dvd's blu-rays and books, my plan is to slowly sell them all at a bookstore downtown, since i don't know how to use eBay and neither does anyone i know. All my entertainment and education shall be environmentally friendly.
Somewhere here i digressed, and digress i must always until that moment when i don't, and that may never happen, it would only happen when i don't think it would.
My movie at present is Loves of a Blonde by Milos Forman a Czech New Wave essential, there's hundreds of titles i've wanted to see for ages right there at my fingertips now. At the end of each month i could share a list of what has been seen. These things are fun in that parallel reality btw .....;)
