Lost Opportunities

I don't feel like I own my life or my body. I feel that they both belong to my illness, I feel that this will always be my main issue. I'm not saying it's hard living like this but the circumstances I'm in aren't exactly positive I'm 27 and I have no stable income, it's depressing. There aren't exactly jobs made for me either in this stupid country and the government doesn't even help with anything either.

I'm not sure what kind of future is waiting for me if there is any. I feel like a complete failure and that I'll keep looking for online jobs forever. I see people with more severe illnesses on Instagram who are content with their lives but well I'm not trying to be ignorant and I understand they must be struggling too but their countries do actually help them have stable lives. Also on the other hand I see people with less severe illnesses who have stable lives in my country but at least they have like their upper bodies fully functional so they can get into sports and work on projects on their own etc.

And I do have a bunch of million ideas in my head and I want to create things and get into making handmade shit but again that's not going to work I'd need to hire someone to do everything for me which I won't afford. And people around me aren't free enough to help me. The only thing I can do is sit on my desk all day and have access to internet really and occasionally work on little useless projects when someone is free enough to help me. It's hard to even maintain a good mood sometimes because I'd be excited to get something done but I find myself alone and everyone is too busy for my nonsense.

I spent 2 weeks trying to get some posters printed for my wall and after I got them printed they sat for 2 more weeks and I still can't find anyone to help me put them up.

There's just no point to all of this. I don't see a way out I been complaining about this for 7 years now or something. I been struggling with life for 17 years out of 27. I can't wait till it's all over.