anoderod55 · 61-69, M
CopperCicada · M
I find truth in that. Particularly with other men, which is why so many of my friends are women.
I've never found men really capable of emotional connection. They find it a sign of weakness, not being masculine.
As an example, I was in the ICU a year or so ago. I had a massive pulmonary embolism. I had a colleague emailing and texting if I could work on a proposal. He was pissed I couldn't. When I got out of the hospital he didn't ask how I was doing. He assured me it was OK I didn't work on the proposal in the ICU.
Another example is my longest male friend locally. He mother died and he didn't even mention it. Until many months later. I asked him WTF. He said he didn't know how to bring it up.
BOOM
WTF
I've never found men really capable of emotional connection. They find it a sign of weakness, not being masculine.
As an example, I was in the ICU a year or so ago. I had a massive pulmonary embolism. I had a colleague emailing and texting if I could work on a proposal. He was pissed I couldn't. When I got out of the hospital he didn't ask how I was doing. He assured me it was OK I didn't work on the proposal in the ICU.
Another example is my longest male friend locally. He mother died and he didn't even mention it. Until many months later. I asked him WTF. He said he didn't know how to bring it up.
BOOM
WTF
CopperCicada · M
I’m just going to say this.
Most men are stuck in the cracks between the tectonic plates of our cultural wars.
Where does “being a man” get to be something that’s not distorted or maligned?
Where can I expect to go and talk about that, when there isn’t even a “thing” called “being a man”? and when “being a man” is like the first rule of Fight Club— you don’t talk about “being a man”?
One of the guys I visited as part of my hospice volunteer work was a Vietnam war hero. He fought off book around the time of the Tet Offensive. It wasn’t until he was dying in hospice and he was recognized for his service because it was just then declassified— that his wife had any clue what he did.
Tet was ‘68. 55 years he said nothing. The thing is he did things. There was something he could have shared. What about your average guy who isn’t a war hero. Or athlete. Or GQ model. Or CEO. The guy who is working against his betterment, his health, his happiness, to just that. Work. To survive. Or to have his family survive. Maybe through the grief of divorce, alienation, separation.
There just isn’t a place for it.
The only people in my life that have given two shits— the women in my life. My lovers. Female friends. Partners. Not other men.
Most men are stuck in the cracks between the tectonic plates of our cultural wars.
Where does “being a man” get to be something that’s not distorted or maligned?
Where can I expect to go and talk about that, when there isn’t even a “thing” called “being a man”? and when “being a man” is like the first rule of Fight Club— you don’t talk about “being a man”?
One of the guys I visited as part of my hospice volunteer work was a Vietnam war hero. He fought off book around the time of the Tet Offensive. It wasn’t until he was dying in hospice and he was recognized for his service because it was just then declassified— that his wife had any clue what he did.
Tet was ‘68. 55 years he said nothing. The thing is he did things. There was something he could have shared. What about your average guy who isn’t a war hero. Or athlete. Or GQ model. Or CEO. The guy who is working against his betterment, his health, his happiness, to just that. Work. To survive. Or to have his family survive. Maybe through the grief of divorce, alienation, separation.
There just isn’t a place for it.
The only people in my life that have given two shits— the women in my life. My lovers. Female friends. Partners. Not other men.
fun4us2b · M
@CopperCicada I read about Tet in "Hue 1968" If it was me, I'd want to just forget those memories - just put them out - how is a young man supposed to process something so far out of the realm of normal? Quite a bit for a person to carry with them all the way to the Hospice...
Maybe there isn't a place, because that's just the way we roll - just leave us be and let us work it out?
Maybe there isn't a place, because that's just the way we roll - just leave us be and let us work it out?
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nonsensiclesnail · F
black4white · 56-60, M
11knaves11 · 46-50, M
OogieBoogie · F
Thats becuase men talk to other men about it....and men as a whole feel uncomfortable with feelings - so they joke them away.
And men try once , get shut down , and they close down .
The right people WILL listen, its just the wrongs ones who wont .
Personally, as a partner, ive been irrecoverably damaged by a mans need to hide his demons and failures.
I was blown away to find out what he had been hiding and not shared the burden of .
A decade later i got to understand his random anger , blame and outburts and violence from the burden he carried .
But it was a decade too late .
You have to speak up .
....and try again
......and again ,and again till you are heard .
life isnt easy . Sometimes you need to shout to be heard .
And you need to do it more than once.🤷♀️
And men try once , get shut down , and they close down .
The right people WILL listen, its just the wrongs ones who wont .
Personally, as a partner, ive been irrecoverably damaged by a mans need to hide his demons and failures.
I was blown away to find out what he had been hiding and not shared the burden of .
A decade later i got to understand his random anger , blame and outburts and violence from the burden he carried .
But it was a decade too late .
You have to speak up .
....and try again
......and again ,and again till you are heard .
life isnt easy . Sometimes you need to shout to be heard .
And you need to do it more than once.🤷♀️
littlepuppywantanewlife · 31-35, M
littlepuppywantanewlife · 31-35, M
@OogieBoogie I understand what you are saying. But In real life people have dumped me. Younger women or girls don't understand this. I tried to show or share feelings but they are like be strong. Stop acting like a girl
OogieBoogie · F
@littlepuppywantanewlife well that's sad.
I suppose women are duped into this stupid social expectation jist as much as men .
Mind you , its also about balance .
Everyone needs a partner who is both vulnerable AND strong.
No person should bear the responsible weight of a relationship by themselves .
Every person needs to know their partner can be strong when they cant .
But being abused like that is just cruel.
But i also think you dodged a bullet .
If a woman expects you to be strong all the time, then that's unfair .
I suppose women are duped into this stupid social expectation jist as much as men .
Mind you , its also about balance .
Everyone needs a partner who is both vulnerable AND strong.
No person should bear the responsible weight of a relationship by themselves .
Every person needs to know their partner can be strong when they cant .
But being abused like that is just cruel.
But i also think you dodged a bullet .
If a woman expects you to be strong all the time, then that's unfair .
littlepuppywantanewlife · 31-35, M
@OogieBoogie very wise words from you 🤗
JimboSaturn · 56-60, M
MyNameIsHurl · 41-45, F
Justafantasy · M
Its not that no one listens. Its that we got an image to maintain.
bookerdana · M
This is almost self evident,yet universally ignored and not spoken of as if it were shameful