Two Texans are standing on a corner watching a dog lick itself. One of the Texans says, "Hot dang, I wish I could do that. I wouldn't need women or nothin'!" The other Texan says, "Way-ull Hay-ull, Bill. Maybe if you approach that dog just right he'll let you!"

A guy walks into a doctor's office with a piece of celery stickin' outta his ear, a carrot up his nose, and a cucumber behind his neck, so the doc looks right at him and says, "Well, buddy, it's clear as day: you ain't eatin' right."

The government (anybody's) is here to help you

🤔 mine tend to be dirty, tho

Trump spoke without lying.

A married couple's lying in bed, and the wife turns to her husband and whispers, "Honey, you think I look ugly and fat these days? Be completely honest with me."
The guy looks her up and down, sighs, and says, "Look, sweetheart, I don’t wanna start an argument... but there ain’t nothin' wrong with your eyesight."

A horse walks into.a bar. The bartender says, " Why the long face?".

Confucius say "man who stand on toilet - high on pot!"

Confucius also say "squirrel who climb up woman's leg - find no nuts!"

Confucius finally say "baseball all wrong - man cannot walk on 4 balls!"

there once was a catfish from Nantucket
who put all her simps in a bucket
when one of them fled
She scolded I'm hottie I said
that wonderful catfish from Nantucket

A guy goes to the doctor, completely frantic, and whispers, "Doc, you gotta help me. Every time I get intimate with my wife, right at the big moment, she completely passes out. Gone. Out cold."
The doc raises an eyebrow. "That sounds like a serious neurological issue. What does she say when she finally comes to?"
The guy shrugs, "Hell if I know, Doc, she usually doesn't wake up till Tuesday!"

I told my suitcase there’d be no vacation this year. Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage 💁‍♂

It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation; this sort of penetration will increase the population of the younger generation.

I drank some invisible ink by mistake. I’m at the hospital waiting to be seen.

A white horse fell right into a giant puddle of thick mud. It don't get much dirtier than that,

What do you say to a women w 2 black eyes ?
Nothing. You already told her twice.