I Want Someone I Can Tell Anything To

My husband and I have been struggling in our relationship. I have developed a crush on two men related to my work. One was a supervisor and the most recent was a customer. It never went any where and I never told them. My husband found out about the first a year later when I had written about him on a different site. I was more upset that he had been basically stalking me online and he was upset that I had had a crush and felt that I didn't want to be in our relationship anymore. I struggle with telling him about how I really feel about anything. I never tell anyone everything and never have. Back to the topic though. My second crush that was on a customer. He's a regular where I work and I think he's cute. I think he tried to ask me out one time but I can't tell if someone is flirting unless they are direct. I laughed and walked away. Later on I thought about the situation and texted a friend about it. My husband looked through my phone and found the messages. He thought I wanted to leave him for this guy. This was several months ago and we still haven't really recovered. He thinks I am emotionally unfaithful and I feel like I have no outlet to express how I feel because he always finds it and gets hurt by it. I have no desire to cheat on my husband. I just have never truly let someone in and I don't know how to break down that barrier I have or if I even want to.

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ThePerfectUsername · 70-79, M

I'm glad you found this place and had the courage and wisdom to ask for other people opinions but I think you already know what the answers are going to be don't you. Things sound as if they're pretty much heading towards rock bottom right now with you looking at other guys and no doubt comparing what you perceive them to be to how you feel about your husband... and all the while with him not trusting you as much as a husband ought to.

But it'll always be that way if you can't open up to him and/or if he can't hear you when you do. Your top priority needs to be finding a way to tell him how you feel in words that he can understand that don't present him with the immediate prospect of losing you to somebody else. And your words (if they're sincere) ought by rights to offer him at least a reasonable chance of seeing or working out a solution you can both live with.

And for me that would mean no more crushes on your part. They're simply not an option till you at least decide who/what it is that you want. And I'm not trying to push you away by any means but that probably means no more posting about it to web sites too. Yeah of course you're allowed to talk about it, but you're probably not allowed to talk about it in an environment like SW where every other guy will be hitting on you (whether they admit it or not) and where the likelihood of you stumbling across yet another distraction is so damn high.

It's your husband who needs to hear all this pet not us. Ask marriage counselling to help if you think that'd be useful but that conversation with your husband simply has to take place if you're to have any prospect of salvaging anything.

Good luck.