So you give you a lot to people, but who gives to you?

Today, I realized I am giving so much love, so much care, so much involvement, so much help, with words, actions, feelings... a lot. While saving so little to myself, almost nothing, actually. I hadn't realized until a couple people started pointing it.
Yesterday, a sister of a friend's to whom I went to to give help told me: I see you helping and emotionally supporting this and that person, but who's there for you?
And then yesterday, a person here, a new friend said: "

You are more than just a fire extinguisher, you have so much mor worth and merit than being of use to another tortured soul

"
At first I dismissed it because I thought it is what I'm made for...
And now, I spent a couple hours just doing things for the sake of others and now... I'm spent.
And I realized they might be right.
I love helping others, I really do... but I think I'm running on empty. Have been for a long time. I don't know how to stop.

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LadyGrace · 80-89

Hey, I hear you, and I want you to know that what you’re feeling is real and important. You are a giving, loving person, and that’s a beautiful thing—but the problem isn’t that you care too much. It’s that you’ve been pouring from an empty cup. When we constantly give without replenishing ourselves, it wears us down, sometimes without us even realizing it.

It also sounds like you might be caught in a people-pleasing pattern, where your sense of worth gets tied to how much you give or how much others need you. That’s common, and it can make you feel responsible for everyone else’s pain, leaving you exhausted and sometimes unseen.

Years ago, I used to do the same thing — give constantly and run myself empty. I didn’t even notice how draining it was until I started to change the pattern. When I learned to set boundaries and take care of myself, I felt so much freer and more relaxed, and my love for others became healthier and more sustainable.

A few ideas that might help:

Recognize the pattern. The first step is exactly what you did: noticing that you’re running on empty and noticing the people-pleasing tendencies. Awareness is huge.

Set boundaries. Helping others doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. You can still love, care, and support, but start saying no to things that drain you or reserving some energy for yourself first.

Fill your own cup. Take time for things that refresh you emotionally, physically, and spiritually. This could be quiet time, hobbies, journaling, prayer, or just being still.

Seek support. It’s okay to reach out to someone you trust, a mentor, a counselor, or a therapist. Having someone to talk to who listens and supports you, without needing anything from you, is life-changing.

Learn about trauma, giving patterns, and people-pleasing – A book I’d highly recommend is The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. It helps you understand why we sometimes over-give, why people-pleasing patterns form, and how to heal from emotional exhaustion or past experiences that make us feel “responsible” for everyone else’s pain.

You don’t have to stop helping people to take care of yourself. In fact, taking care of yourself will make your love more sustainable and more joyful. You deserve care and love just as much as anyone else.

scorpiolovedeep · 51-55, M

Conserve your energies.

Give it to the people who value you, love and care for you deeply.

Friendlyperson · 26-30, F

@scorpiolovedeep That's true. I'll try.

Reject · 31-35, M

If you are giving from what you lack then that’s not giving at all. That’s a request for something in return.

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Reject · 31-35, M

@Friendlyperson The proof of that isn’t in your thoughts. It’s in feeling drained afterwards.

Friendlyperson · 26-30, F

@Reject
I never ask for return
sometimes i even forget what i do cause i do it with so much pleasure. And I never thought of what people say or think or do in return.
But I ve been running on empty... like a cup that's been pouring and pouring with no refill, until there is nothing to in there anymore... and only now Im realizing that.
Its been months like that, well perhaps it is also my bipolar2 that's messing with my head, but even that diagnosis is debatable now.

Reject · 31-35, M

@Friendlyperson If someone finds interaction with others emotionally draining and they’re running on empty, it’s because they’re not getting what they’re looking for from it. What are they looking for? Depends on the person. It could be companionship. Maybe they’re trying to be useful. In your case, it sounds like you want someone to give to you too. You might not say it. You might not even think it, but that doesn’t mean you don’t want it. Stop consulting your thoughts for the truth of you, and start connecting with your feelings to find it.

peterlee · M

Yes, take rest. It will reinvigorate you. Surround yourself with people with positive energy.

lovingdead · 36-40, M

Its not easy. My best advice. Little increments....like a jar full of change. Little bits here and there will add up.

Friendlyperson · 26-30, F

@lovingdead Thanks 🥹
Hope you dont mind quoting you !

chernobylplaygr0unds

This sounds like a co dependency thing

When you give it should not be from a place to get something in return

Friendlyperson · 26-30, F

@chernobylplaygr0unds nooo
I never expect a return
sometimes i even forget what i do cause i do it with so much pleasure. And I neve thought of what people say or think or do in return.
But I ve been running on empty... like a cup that's been pouring and pouring with no refill, until there is nothing to in there anymore... and only now Im realizing that.

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