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How long will you follow those who don't follow you back ?

A week or 2 ago I went through my various lists and found multiple dozens of people that I thought I was friends with here hadn't followed me back. I removed all but one.

Since then, I've sent out newer requests, of which only a few who chose to become friends.

I was just wondering how other people approach it?

Do you just leave them there as people you follow ?
Do you set a time limit on it ?
A week, a month, 3?

As someone that receives follows, do you regularly ignore them at this point thinking you have enough and don't want more people?

Should I message people that I've followed or feel like following before I follow them.

I've been here for 10 years and I still haven't figured out how to do this part of it very efficiently.

I'm just asking, because sometimes I feel like I'm replying to people who barely respond in any way and even if I enjoy the content they produce here, I hate feeling like some kind of groupie handing out views, reactions and replies to people that seemingly don't give a care if I'm alive or dead...

Anyways, and without any animosity or ill feelings at all, I ask you..., how do you go about the whole FOLLOW / FRIENDS thing here ?
Any tips for a guy like me?

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DeadOrbit

I dunno I am pretty laid back about it. if there is an account with no picture no content absolutely nothing and not even a message saying hello I won't follow back. If there is a obviously very strong fetish account I won't follow back. I don't add friends on my own. I figure if they like me they will do that then the choice can be on them.

Mamapolo2016 · F

Maybe my definition of “following” is not everybody’s definition.

I don’t usually follow people because I expect friendship, but because I admire the character I see on SW. Or I like their humor. Or something else.

To me, “following” is not a commitment on either side. It’s another way to “curate” my SW experience.

Often it DOES become friendship, but it doesn’t have to.

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@Mamapolo2016 I accept your truth here. I also thank you for it.

I am much like you, I think and therefore I conduct myself the way I do.

Thank you for chiming in and I'm glad to understand your process a little bit better.

Peace,
Rob

Lilnonames · F

i send a gift and ask if i can add them

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@Lilnonames That's a good idea. I never thought of doing that.

If we seem to have a few positive interactions, I'll send what I consider as a friends request. (the FOLLOW)
I see every social notification and i check them all.
I'm just wondering if people aren't seeing them, don't ever check them, or just plain don't like me or my comments?

Not wanting to be rude or impose I kind of just stare at it for a week or 2 and then delete the follow.

Lilnonames · F

@HikingMan well my side says we are friends,didnt check if you follow

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@Lilnonames To be friends each person must follow the other. I know that much about it.
I sent a follow to you a long time ago and then you followed me back and now we're friends and have been for quite some time.

When you follow someone it doesn't pop up as a notification. It just adds to the number at the top on your SOCIAL's.

I'm glad to kinda know you and to see the things you post and to recieve your reactions and replies on things I type.

I'm not calling anyone out.
I'm just wondering how people handle the SOCIAL / COMMUNITY aspects of this platform?

Your way is a good way.
Though I don't always have too many coins.
I give gifts to friends mostly or people I follow that I think could use a ray of sunshine.

SUPERVlXEN · F

If you want to follow someone then follow them as long as they accept it, don’t hold it against them if not.

If you want to befriend someone, then maybe begin with engaging them on the boards first, later on in the direct messages if accepted. Upon that you can bring up following each other, again without holding it against them if they don’t feel like it.

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@SUPERVlXEN I don’t hold anything against anyone really. I do like to spend my time reading and writing to those that are reciprocal with engagement and interaction.

Like many of the functions here there are differing thoughts and ideas about the best way to use any of them and what their value is to any given user.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me.

SUPERVlXEN · F

@HikingMan
You’re very much welcome

dragonfly46 · F

Until you mentioned it I hadn't put too much thought into follows at all. Life is complicated and I generally don't put much value into follows. It's my interactions with people that mean more. That can change all the time too. I think this place is too fluid to be caught up in the follow/not follow situation. Some people are great people who don't want a follow commitment. A button is not going to give me any true idea of someone at all.

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@dragonfly46 I appreciate the input. Thank you.

I wasn’t saying one way or the other is wrong, I was just more or less wondering what people think and how they use it.

It seems there are many various opinions about its value, and use.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

In all honesty I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to any of that stuff. Thus I really don’t reach out to follow. I’m happy enough just to respond to whatever interesting people and posts I see. If people want to follow me, that’s great but if I’ve had little to no interaction with them then I don’t follow back. And conversely, if we’ve had a fair amount of enjoyable interactions then I’m happy to follow them back and become friends.

And just in general, if I find myself replying to people who barely respond then I simply stop replying to them. Lol….. sometimes I even get a little pissy and delete my reply. And I also do remove/block from following those whose profiles seem to indicate that they’re pedos or pervs. I have absolutely no tolerance for that.

View 2 more replies »

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@OlderSometimesWiser Thank you. I really do appreciate the way your last reply makes things seem clearer. I offer my apologies if perhaps I should have heard that in your first response.

I think you're an excellent member here and I've seen tons of your replies and lots of your own posts and I'm really glad you're on SW.

You make this space better with a single post or a random comment.

Peace

OlderSometimesWiser · F

@HikingMan That’s very sweet, thank you. And for what it’s worth, I’m always glad to see your thoughtful posts and replies and consider you a valuable member of this community. 🙂

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@OlderSometimesWiser Coming from you I cannot help but to consider it one of the highest compliments I have ever gotten in a reply.

Thank you, Mrs. Wiser.

CookieCrumbs · F

I don’t really give much thought on the follow/back part of the interactions here.

I reply to posts that interest me on my feed. I do my best to read comments on my posts and respond to those who take the effort. That’s how I get to know people and enjoy the interactions.

Sometimes, I’ve been friends (with access to DMs) with someone for a while, only to realize we have not even followed each other. 😅

But I do see your point in using the follow button as your way of extending a hand of friendship. If it goes ignored, then you see it as their way of saying they’re not interested to build anything more than casual commenting on public posts.

bowman81 · M

I follow people when I see they post something that interests me. I do it so their posts will appear in my feed more often. It's okay if they follow me, but it's not a deal breaker if they don't.

ninalanyon · 70-79, T

I follow everyone who interacts with me. Then when I run out of space I unfollow one or two who don't post much.

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@ninalanyon I hear ya.
I post often enough and reply often enough too, I think.

HootyTheNightOwl

Meh... I don't really subscribe to that "We can only be friends if we follow each other" nonsense.

I don't really care for half the site reading my "Friends only" posts or I wouldn't deliberately target them to friends only - and inboxing the same thing to all the friends I so want to see it will be picked up by the spam bots in short order.

So, it's nothing personal if I don't follow back - unless I tag you quite often in random posts (and get frustrated because I can't), we don't need to be following each other.

Blame admin for the fact that I can't create posts targeted for my inner circle of friends specifically.

Ann99 · 41-45, F

Yes because it doesn’t really bother me whether someone comments on my posts or not. I’m thankful to the people who do comment and like my posts and I’m just as okay with those who don’t There are also plenty of people who comment on my posts even though I don’t follow them. 😊

Ann99 · 41-45, F

I don’t really keep track of who follows me back If I enjoy someone’s content or like talking to them I will follow them I don’t think a follow always has to be returned.

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@Ann99 Is that still true if you notice that people you follow never reply or react to the things you say to them ?

Thanks for replying. Interested in all answers I get here.

SleepingWithGhosts · 46-50, M

If it's an obvious catfish, I don't follow them and proceed to block. If they don't have any posts, I don't follow them either.

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@SleepingWithGhosts SAME !!!

There's a lot of that here from time to time. It seems to revolve in cycles that depend upon me being here at a specific time of day or using a certain forum to post a post.
I turned off my ONLINE time thing to try and mitigate some of that stuff.

SleepingWithGhosts · 46-50, M

@HikingMan I've had that thing off since day one. My actual friend know when I'm around. Good idea on your part.

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@SleepingWithGhosts I don't often have good ideas, but when I do....

😉

Chern0bylplaygr0unds

Having an expectation of just because you follow someone and expecting them to.follow back is setting yourself up for getting hurt ...follow without expectations of anything and you won't be so.hurt

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@Chern0bylplaygr0unds I come here and approach everyone I meet with no expectations whatsoever .

I do enjoy talking to people and growing relationships.

Again, I seriously just want to hang out with people here and I keep myself open to deeper connections.

What I don’t really feel like doing is walking down roads that lead me off my path of my own oneness with people that look at me like I’m some anonymous guy that means nothing to them at all.

There are even a couple of people currently in my my Follow/ Friend thing that will soon be aced out due to their own disinterest.

I’d like to think that my thoughts and words might actually mean something.

Because they do to me.
If they don’t to others that’s fine too.

But I got me these thoughts and feelings and everywhere I go I carry them with me.

I take full responsibility for them and I exect nothing from anyone at all.

Doesn’t mean I won’t stop giving my words, advice, time, and thoughts and feelings to people who seem to look at me like they could care less about what I think, feel, or say.

You haven’t are clearly me as that type and I’m glad that you and I have decided to share interactions.

Chern0bylplaygr0unds

@HikingMan I am on my guard when I'm on here due to some not great experiences...I keep my cards close to my chest ...I've learned being too open and sharing too much isn't a good idea ...at least for me ..being vunerable on here just doesn't work for me ...I hope you have a better experience

greensnacks · F

I don't care a lot I usually follow ppl who's content I like. No need to follow me back. But if I notice I engage with someone and they never engage with my content, I feel a bit like a stalker and I stop. Or if I remember, I unfollow

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@greensnacks THIS !

For actual years I didn't pay attention to it.
A month ago I kinda just fell into the noticing and then I noticed who did and didn't interact with me and now I'm trying to recalibrate and make adjustments.

MsSwan

I don't pay much attention to who follows me back. If someone follows me, I will first check their about me before I follow them back.

SnickersDOM · M

I don't follow many at all in general, I'm not a collector, and if someone isn't following me back (or does a token follow back without any further interaction), there's obviously not much common ground, so what would even motivate me to follow anyone with whom I have no common ground?

I mean SW is not some major mainstream platform with high profile accounts or other accounts you would never even expect to follow you back (like automated art bots periodically posting paintings from a given museum's collection or such)

(this is why I think the social media paradigm of automatically referring to mutual follows as "friends" is dubious ... more often than not the concept of genuinely being friends with anyone online is meaningless, you see that the moment people start speaking of things like "IRL" which clearly shows they see things as being in different silos, and the moment "IRL" gets in the way, online "friends" are the first to be discarded, so you are at most the shallowest of acquaintances online)

HikingMan · 56-60, M

@SnickersDOM Very interesting thoughts and I truly do thank you for this reply.
I'm going to give your words a bit of thought and perhaps I'll reply more intellectually in a day or two.

But seriously, thank you for these words of yours which I might contemplate.

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