The consolation of dreams

It’s 7:57 on New Year’s Eve. The house is quiet. The tree’s still up. He’s in bed with a cold, poor thing. He rarely gets sick. I have no intention of making it to midnight, but I have no excuse. 😂 I don’t remember the last time I was excited for a new year. I’m not sure I ever really was or if I just thought I should be. Either way, I stopped pretending a long time ago. But I like this spot right here. This moment. I’m sorry the world’s in the state it’s in. I’m sorry we as humans couldn’t do better than this. I have little hope for the future, to be honest. But I like this spot right here. In the quiet and the peace of these four walls. This space I’ve made my own, been fortunate enough to land in despite my blind stumble through life. The books that line the shelves and the half finished drawing on the desk that may never manage to pass the ugly phase. The new calligraphy book and the shop I can’t seem to organize and the audiobook stuff I can get back into now and the YouTube channel that might be fun…. Until the world makes me stop, I have these four walls and a head full of dreams. Happy thoughts. Ideas that light sparks to float up and fill my sky because those “who do you think you are” thoughts can’t really keep anything down anymore. The joy of exploration matters so much more now than anything that comes of it. I may not have hope, but I have dreams, if that makes sense. To keep me company, to fill my head, to be my light in the dark. I may not think everything will be okay, but every good second I have will be good. Will not be stolen. I love this place. I love the people in my life. I love how much we laugh. I love the breathtaking wonder and delight and the endless possibilities. I love. I love the trees and the birds and the clouds and that crazy little squirrel that runs all the way from the feeder by the house to the corner of the backyard over and over for hours it seems. And I love that I love so much even though it means that I hurt a lot and run out of hope. We don’t get to keep anything anyway. Life is complicated and simple, murky gray and crystal clear. So happy new year, everyone. I hope you feel every beautiful moment that comes your way and find the strength to endure every hard one. May your lights in the dark serve you well. ❤

BrandNewMan · M

My four walls are still shared with someone I came to realize this year I should have removed from my life years ago. I'm in the process of finally addressing that. While I'm not in a particularly good state of mind at the moment, my level of hope for a different life is higher than its been in a very, very long time. I don't expect to be out celebrating at an NYE gala next year .. but I am looking into a quiet get away. Maybe a cabin in the mtns or a condo on a beach .. somewhere I can simply breath and be at peace.

DrWatson · 70-79, M

You strike me as someone who has regularly been able to nurture dreams within despair , to grasp the light within the darkness, and to hold onto joy wherever you can find it.

Sometimes, reading your posts is exactly what I need.

Thank you, and Happy New Year.

HumanEarth · F

I was excited about New Year Eve Party. Me being being 20/30 years older then most there. I figure I had it in me for one more big party, loud music, dancing, heavy drinking the works...you know

Them 20/30 years wanted to play board games. I was bored. That I was falling asleep. So I left and was home by 10pm and went to bed.

Now I'm stuck with 200 dollars worth of booze and beer