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Have a Great Day

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The path to success is always under construction

Where's the dang shortcut already?

If you never try, you will never fail

A good day starts with a great dump

Woke up at 11pm crazy hungry. Had Reeser's potato salad in the fridge. It just saved my life. Reeser's for senate. Potatoes save lives

I never knew my father as a child

Because he'd grown up by the time I was born

"Let's grab a coffee sometime" is universal code for "goodbye forever"

When I get depressed, I take home pregnancy tests. Because no matter how bad things get, at least I'm not pregnant