I Think Good Friends Are Rare

I have yet to find a friend I can call a Best Friend Forever. I guess at 23 if you don't already have that in your life, you may never find it. I've lost touch with my high school friends, and drifted away from my college friends mainly because they were at points in their lives where other people (excluding their significant others) didn't matter. And among my co-workers the one person I thought to myself,'finally someone that gets me, someone I can call a close friend, someone who could never betray me or diss me, and someone I can trust with my thoughts and secrets', slowly became someone that made me uncomfortable, irrelevant, and unwanted. The friendship I thought we had was false, unreal, and most likely all in my head. I ignored the red flags. I turned a blind eye to the way I was being mistreated, mocked, and offended. I was always around when things got tough, and I always cared. I'm a care giver by nature and a fun out going person who is always down for hanging out and being present. I never use friends for therapy, with my past friendships I never got the chance if I wanted to. I have random thoughts and I reference movie quotes and song lyrics when it's relevant to conversation. What's wrong with that? I don't have time for people who don't have time for me. I don't have time or the energy to entertain drama. I'm too grown for high school games. For me the phrase 'friends come and go' is too close to the truth. I'll just continue to be me, and love me. I'll never change who I am to hold onto a person who doesn't know how to be a friend.

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ColdPenguin25

Friendships are more like temporary alliances. The idea of a true 'friend' that society feeds us is...just wrong. The only reason we group up is to gain benefits to make our lives better or easier. If a person does not give enough benefit or has too many demerits, then they are more trouble than they're worth.

I grew up with friends, since before kindergarten, who became like my brothers. I'd rather not splay out my entire story, but suffice it to say that the term 'brother' was ultimately meaningless, as was 'best friend'. Just temporary alliances to make life easier or more entertaining, and if they don't fulfill that role, then they are a drain on personal resources. Sometimes they stick longer than others. Sometimes they last a lifetime. Sometimes a friend would die for another friend. But they're most often just temporary alliances. There is empathy in there, somewhere, but the primary motivation is selfish.

There may also be a genetic causal factor. Some random science thing I read stated that people were more likely to grow to be friends if they had similar genetic structure. The idea of having 'chemistry' with someone, is quite true. It makes sense, since people are more comfortable with people who are like them and generally fear unknowns or differences.

As for care giving. There is a line between being a caring person and being a people pleaser.