48 years old trying to make friends

Most if the time I am a recluse. I have had a lot of trauma in my life. Mostly from family and the choices that I made. Now as an adult every decade or so I have tried to go out and make connections with people. When I have tried to make friends with women either they are attracted to you, or the friend zone becomes listening to what they are going through with other men and what you can fix and what you can give them and what they can borrow.
When I have tried to be friends with men they either are in a relationship and their significant other doesn’t approve. Or as this person named Bobby at IUPUI told me years ago he only wanted people around him that are doing something for themselves. What happened to just watching the game? What happened to going bowling, or just doing guy stuff.
So for a while I tapped out, but more and more I realize with as crazy as life is that you need the dynamic of friendship. Especially when you have sandpaper relationships with family. So while it is challenging i definitely have to out myself back on the market for friendship. Not the new age weird, alternative lifestyle whatever. Just socializing and being practical.

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NYCChick · 31-35, F

hard to make any real friends now a days alot of people have alternative objectives even people u know for years will try to take advantage if they can

Yisrael · 46-50, M

@NYCChick It’s hard to have real friends as an adult, being aware of yourself, broke, wealthy, attractive, gridlocked and etc. Life is the Circus. Especially when you have been through it. I have my own reservations about a lot of things and simply being alone isn’t what drives me to do this. It’s the social dynamic of being able to color outside the lines of dealing with the same kinda folk.

SouthernGuy1987 · 36-40, M

@NYCChick Very true. I've experienced the same thing many times with so called friends but they were really just using me the whole time. I feel your pain sadly 😕

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

Good luck to you. I'm in a similar situation I just don't know if I'm ready yet. We aren't meant to be isolated for long periods. Science can even tell us that now.

It's hard when you've been through things that really hurt you though. Over and over. It doesn't feel safe to look for anything in others.

Yisrael · 46-50, M

@ScreamingFox I am exactly in that situation. I have no family life. There’s no repair for it. Been alone for decades. I have made my peace with relationships and puppy love. I am too hard to love and my nerves aren’t good enough to dance with the realities of dealing with a woman in.a casual sex capacity or a relationship. So being real about the self check no matter how much I try to get ready I never will be. I have been hurt a lot and I have hurt people not being able to get over the things I have been through. Being safe for me is just another justification for staying where I am at. I have been through so much that sex, desire and a lot of things are just fading. I just want peace and routine. Get a little of the noise of life here and there. Other than that I am meant to be alone and understanding that this is just how I am made and not where I fail as a person.

Lostpoet · M

Look into Community out reach programs it might help. I've joined a running group and everyone in it seems really cool. I'm kind of in the same place as you I don't really trust people and sometimes my past experiences have lead me to be unnecessarily rude to people.

Yisrael · 46-50, M

@Lostpoet something structured. Very good input. Thanks

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