yesterday I have spent all night until 5 am in the morning chatting with that guy I had a long phone call with the day before
Not healthy I know. It is such a complicated situation really.
It is very strange. We connect on soul level, but he is very rejective of me. But also not, but also is.
I am aware and not as much attracted to being treated like that, but I am staying there and most probably receiving something too.
It is his soul and his energy that I love, but his manners, his mind, is full of things to put in order. And he thinks the same thing of me.
Why was I met with that guy?
Am I to just ignore it now... let it go...
Truly I am not happy to be treated like that, with some avoidance and abandonment, his rejective qualities.
Is it a reflection of me rejecting him ? And his truthfulness allows for things to come to the surface? Showing me what the whole package includes. How much of him can I take.
But I like how he is genuine. He can hold me, I can feel it, but then he changes. I can get a better experience, but I can always get a better experience.
I remember dating a guy who had all his emotion buried and he appeared so cool and calm always but ..
I think this might be what he is thinking of me, exactly that. How I appear cool and calm but am a mess deep down.
But the truth is, I actually am cool and calm, and a mess. I am it all.
ah why am I finding myself in this situation now.
He wrote repeatedly and clearly how he doesn't want a romantic relationship with me nor now nor anytime in the future. He said, for his own sanity. He cannot grasp me, he is finding how I speak but say nothing, he is telling me that I have no reasoning and no integrity, that I change my word to fit the circumstances.
I am flexible, I contain chaos, but I am doing it well, I feel confident. I feel I have high integrity, but he's trying to shake and break me.
He said how he things I have no strength and something is lacking and I am weak to his eyes.
And I reciprocated of how I think he has excess strength.
I told him, if he sees all these and he doesn't like me, why is he there, conversing for so long.
He said because he cannot understand me, he is there trying to understand.
So I feel his soul sees me, but he doesn't.
So I either stay and do the teacher or ignore him.
But what am I gaining? Why am I staying ?
I find it interesting, it is deepening my seeing in ways, his way of openness and directness.
He has this trickster thing about him. Is it the wrong place for me, isn't it beloveds ?
Wtf is that right.
Is it clearly a trauma bond in your eyes ?
Sometimes it seems better from the outside.
It is very strange. We connect on soul level, but he is very rejective of me. But also not, but also is.
I am aware and not as much attracted to being treated like that, but I am staying there and most probably receiving something too.
It is his soul and his energy that I love, but his manners, his mind, is full of things to put in order. And he thinks the same thing of me.
Why was I met with that guy?
Am I to just ignore it now... let it go...
Truly I am not happy to be treated like that, with some avoidance and abandonment, his rejective qualities.
Is it a reflection of me rejecting him ? And his truthfulness allows for things to come to the surface? Showing me what the whole package includes. How much of him can I take.
But I like how he is genuine. He can hold me, I can feel it, but then he changes. I can get a better experience, but I can always get a better experience.
I remember dating a guy who had all his emotion buried and he appeared so cool and calm always but ..
I think this might be what he is thinking of me, exactly that. How I appear cool and calm but am a mess deep down.
But the truth is, I actually am cool and calm, and a mess. I am it all.
ah why am I finding myself in this situation now.
He wrote repeatedly and clearly how he doesn't want a romantic relationship with me nor now nor anytime in the future. He said, for his own sanity. He cannot grasp me, he is finding how I speak but say nothing, he is telling me that I have no reasoning and no integrity, that I change my word to fit the circumstances.
I am flexible, I contain chaos, but I am doing it well, I feel confident. I feel I have high integrity, but he's trying to shake and break me.
He said how he things I have no strength and something is lacking and I am weak to his eyes.
And I reciprocated of how I think he has excess strength.
I told him, if he sees all these and he doesn't like me, why is he there, conversing for so long.
He said because he cannot understand me, he is there trying to understand.
So I feel his soul sees me, but he doesn't.
So I either stay and do the teacher or ignore him.
But what am I gaining? Why am I staying ?
I find it interesting, it is deepening my seeing in ways, his way of openness and directness.
He has this trickster thing about him. Is it the wrong place for me, isn't it beloveds ?
Wtf is that right.
Is it clearly a trauma bond in your eyes ?
Sometimes it seems better from the outside.
