Buying friendship with gifts

@KingofBones1 The problem comes when those same people who you bought those gifts for, begin to expect them.

It goes from generosity, initiated by the person giving, to emotional blackmail, initiated by the person (or usually people) taking.

@FullerSchmidt true also as I said it is one thing to buy gifts and be nice to somebody trying to be there for them out of friendship it is another thing if they make you all kind of false promises leading you on and playing games there's also big differences there too. That is the only way I see emotional blackmail can come into play otherwise it's just somebody asking you for shit then you can always say yes or no. You cannot really blame your indecision or inability to make a decision on somebody else. I have no problem saying no if the situation dictates

@KingofBones1 Since when is anything as cut-and-dry? If it were just someone asking for a material gift, it would be easy to say no.

The kind of emotional blackmail I'm talking about is where a "friend" will come to you, and ask to "borrow" (it's always borrow) money to pay for something essential (like rent, or mortgage), where they know you have the money, and the consequences of not "lending" them the money could be catstrophic.

This frames you as being the one choosing your friend's fate, even though by the normal run of things you're not even involved.

How would you say "no" to that request, without jeopardizing your entire circle of friends, if that event turns out to be the beginning of a downward spiral that saw them lose everything.

What really does your head in is that after "lending" them this money, you've got no chance of seeing it again. You can count yourself lucky if you made it sufficiently difficult for them to get it out of you the first time, that they've now moved on to easier prey.

@FullerSchmidt I've had people do that before and if it was a one-time thing I write it off. But when I know that they intend to fuck me over after they have borrowed a sufficient amount I close out their account. So either have the backbone to say no or give them the gifts and help them out but if you were being played have the spine to cash out their chips or don't get upset about it. I understand your position but getting irritated at me isn't going to help make your case

@KingofBones1 I am not at all irritated at you. I'm sorry if that is how I came across.

I'm just describing a common pattern of financial abuse which occurs amongst friends / acquaintances regularly nowadays.

Whilst I'll admit to having been burned by this in the past, it won't work on me a second time. Just saying for the benefit of the thread.

I wasn't at all discounting what you wrote originally. And that is if a person is being genuinely generous, and wants to give something, with zero expectations of compensation, either now or in the future, then that's great. However if you examine your motives, I doubt that anyone is really that autistic.

The fact that you mention an "account" implies that you're keeping some sort of ledger to value that friendship and whether or not it's an asset or a liability.

Which is totally valid. Some friends you're better off without.

@FullerSchmidt I'm glad you have learned that that's good very good and I don't blame you one bit. There's nothing wrong with being a friend to someone who genuinely wants to be a friend. And being a good friend you should always help your friends out if you can. Just choose your friends wisely because remember friends did not turn into enemies enemies just simply stop trying to pretend that they are your friend. Good luck to you and have a wonderful day today