Ever been on the short end of a three-way friendship?

I am friends with two wonderful women in my real life, but I would say they are definitely closer with each other than with me. I always accepted that, but I am really struggling with it lately. The one friend has been someone I have known for over 40 plus years and shared a close friendship with, the other is an old high school friend of my friend. This other friend came into my friend's life over a decade ago and became part of our friendship. They knew each other in high school, but did not hang out until recent years.

I really like this other friend and we all seem to get along famously when we are together, but there are things that leave me dry about being in a three-way friendship these days.

The latest was another planned outing where we agreed to meet at a certain time in a restaurant. Our outings only happen a few times a year and they usually take a bit of texting and calling to set up. So we agreed on a time and I was there with time to spare. My two friends were already seated, drinks in hand. It really wouldn't have been a big deal on its own, but this has happened more than once; and yes, I did say something at the time about how I thought we agreed when to meet. They just laughed it off and I did my best to not overthink it. It does sound trivial on its own, but there are many other similar scenarios that has left me feeling like an after thought.

Maybe being in a three-way friendship is something I am not comfortable with anymore and I am losing my ability to not overthink things.

In the day, my old friend and I could talk about anything, whether it was something on her mind or mine. We were definitely close in the day. Now, there is no such intimacy since my friend always needs to share with the other. The few squabbles we have ever had in the last decade has always ended up being the two of them vs. me. And no, I have never shared any negative feeling about one to the other, but I don't think I am given the same respect.

Forty years is a long time for a friendship, so this is not something I take lightly and it certainly is not the first time I have felt this way. Perhaps the writing is on the wall and I will have to decide what is and isn't worth it.

So my question is twofold;

Has you ever been in this scenario? How did it end up for you?

Piper · 61-69, F

Yes. Not quite the same scenario, of course, but with a few pretty close friends of mine that I'd wanted to meet the other. Different friends except for the one, who in both cases had me feeling kind of like the "after thought" at times, when we'd all agreed on doing something together. It was pretty obvious, not just me feeling a little hurt because I felt I was being treated as the less important one.

It was not because of that, that my friendships with either of the three ended, but the lack of trust when one would tell me something the other said about me would have eventually anyway, I think.

Peapod · 61-69, F

@Piper I wonder if these sorts of friendships are ever successful in the long run. Best friends share a lot together, including a safe place to share their real feelings about things which may include other mutual people you know. But it seems to me that a three-way may set one up to be talked about. I personally have never been one to indulge in gossip between two people I genuinely consider a friend. I can't really say the same with my friends and knowing that gives me reason for pause.

I really don't know what to do with this situation. I hate I have given this much thought in my head about it, yet feel stuck.

If I pull away, I do think my closest friend will eventually ask me the reasons why. If I tell her the truth about how I feel, I don't see that being heard in the way I would hope it would be. To already know I am the outsider kinda says it all. And then add in the social media contacts....uuugh. I went through that with my sister as you know. Nothing is private. I come here because I know there are no mutual friends.