What advice would you give me...

So iv been close friends with this guy for about 7 months. I have feelings or him and basically he said likes me too but he is not ready for a relationship. So right now we are friends with benefits. I found it hard to be friends with benefits about 2 months ago so I cut him off after an argument and we didn't speak for 3 weeks. I found that really hard and I just didn't seem to be happy without being friends with him. I then apologised and we are close friends again, except we still kiss and stuff. The past 2/3 weeks I have just accepted being friends with benefits because I really don't want to lose him as a friend again (but we both find it hard to just chill without kissing/cuddling ect). Right now I feel is it as if I can be close friends with him (plus benefits) or not friends at all, because it is hard for me to hang out with him/have deep conversations and block out my feelings/affection for him. I cant wait for him to be ready for a relationship because that might be years, but I know I deserve better than to just be 'friend with benefits' (he is a really nice person don't get me wrong). I don't know what to do because I tried cutting him off and I thought that would help but I missed him as a friend so much.
What should I do?? x

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SW-User

I know you don't want to hear it but you need to move on. It's going to be really painful but ultimately your future will be better.
If he really doesn't want to lose you he will find himself ready for a relationship.

thatgirllllll · 26-30

@SW-User The month we did not speak and I tried to move on was one of the worst months this year, maybe I should have given it longer but i felt more and more pain everyday so eventually messaged him to talk and we became friends again. Maybe I can try slowly avoiding him and see how it goes. x

SW-User

@thatgirllllll I know the pain you're talking about.
You have to be hard with yourself and see that he was fine which means the feelings aren't balanced.
I cried every day for a year getting over an ex. He did eventually come back and I went back to him but I happily discovered for me it was actually too late and I had moved on.
That year was hell though.

thatgirllllll · 26-30

@SW-User Yeah that is very true since I waited everyday for him to message me and in the end I contacted him first, I do like him more than he likes me i guess...
Oh sorry to hear that, how come you went back to him if you had realised it was too late and you moved on? or did you realise after?

SW-User

@thatgirllllll I didn't realise until I met up with him.
I realised at that point I needed more to hear he realised he'd made a mistake for my ego than anything else.
If I'd started seeing him again frequently maybe something would have started back up but I liked how I felt at peace with it and I felt I'd be worrying about history repeating itself.
Prior to that time, I was checking my phone and emails constantly and sending him the odd text each time I gave in. It wasn't a good place to be.

SW-User

@thatgirllllll A year after that I met the best relationship of my life. I'm so thankful now that I didn't stick with the previous option!

Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F

@SW-User I have a similar story and I think you are right on the money.

thatgirllllll · 26-30

@SW-User Your gut feeling was the right thing to follow then!

thatgirllllll · 26-30

@SW-User Aww I am glad you are happy now :) x

SW-User

@thatgirllllll I wanted him back so much over the year. I'd always thought I was going to marry him so it was hard for me to deal with it when it ended. At the time it seemed like my world had ended.

SW-User

@thatgirllllll Yeah, I'm incredibly lucky.

thatgirllllll · 26-30

@SW-User I guess it shows that time heals everything

thatgirllllll · 26-30

@SW-User You are really strong for not going back to him, and you were rewarded with the guy you are happy with now

SW-User

@thatgirllllll I hope you find your answer. 🤗🤗🤗

thatgirllllll · 26-30

@SW-User Thank you! take care x