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Isolation.

I'm having a really hard time right now with suicidal thoughts and self harm. I don't feel able to reach out to my friends for help. I desperately want them to reach out to me, because I need them. But if they do reach out, I don't know if I'll respond. I don't know if I can. But I really do need them.

This is the worst I've been in a long time. possibly the worst I've ever been. I've never felt this isolated from my friends, despite never before having this many. I hate that I'm doing this to myself. I feel totally trapped being this person who can't and doesn't want to help herself. Who can't even ask for help. I don't see a way out right now.

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IAmJess

*hugs*

You okay? 😟

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RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@IAmJess nope. i'm feeling absolutely awful. thanks for the hug though. ❤

IAmJess

@RoboChloe Do you have someone to reach out to? Someone to talk to?

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@IAmJess so many people... unfortunately i've been finding it really hard to reach out recently.

IAmJess

@RoboChloe if you're feeling this down then you really need to. are you close to your mom?

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@IAmJess i used to be, but we haven't spoken in a while. there's a long, complicated history there...

IAmJess

@RoboChloe unless things are *really* bad, I think moms are the best place to start for help.

what about other people? siblings? friends??

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@IAmJess I think at this point, having planned my suicide, fucked up my eating to the point of anorexia [i]again[/i], and lost all desire for anything good in my life, things are definitely really bad...

I have a fairly bog group of supportive friends and family but they can't be very useful when i don't talk to them :(

IAmJess

@RoboChloe yeah you need to call them. this is not a very good place for the kind of support you need right now. please call them. *hugs*

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@IAmJess My friends on SW are pretty much the only reason I made it to today. I was so, so bad yesterday but they got me through it. You're right though, i need to contact my friends and especially my sister... but it's just so hard. It's just... hard.

IAmJess

@RoboChloe you have a sister? that's awesome. yes, she is the one to call. please reach out to her. i hope you're okay.

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@IAmJess Yeah, she's amazing. I really miss her...

IAmJess

@RoboChloe 🤗

DarkHeaven ·

@RoboChloe
These people can help.

Call 1-800-273-8255

DarkHeaven ·

@RoboChloe Please don’t do this to your family that loves you. There’s always someone left behind to shoulder this horror. Please don’t.

DarkHeaven ·

@RoboChloe I don’t know how you plan it but don’t make your sister’s last vision of you be your cold lifeless body. It’ll destroy her.🖤

DarkHeaven ·

@RoboChloe
Please call.

Call 1-800-273-8255

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@DarkHeaven I know. And i'm trying to stay alive for her, and for everyone else who loves me, but i don't know how long i can go on living just for other people. I feel purposeless. I feel like the only reason i have to live is because other people want me to, not because i have my own goals. i'm so, so tired of life. I just want to go. :(

IAmJess

@RoboChloe chloe, please call your sister. i'm walking into work now so i'm going to be gone for a few hours, but please call her. 🤗🤗

DarkHeaven ·

@RoboChloe So it’s okay to ruin their lives? We are not talking about a puppy here. We are talking about you and what your life means to them. It will destroy them. They will be left behind with only you gone.

DarkHeaven ·

@RoboChloe I promise you I’m not talking shit. I know what alone feels like. I understand desperation. 🖤

https://similarworlds.com/32-Personal-Thoughts-Feelings/1785465-Alone-How-can-I-scream-out-when-I-no-longer-have-a

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@DarkHeaven I love them, so much, but i'm not a perfectly selfless angel. I can't hold on forever just for them...

DarkHeaven ·

@RoboChloe I know you don’t know me but I’m a 42 year old woman with no RL friends. I’ve never had children (medical issue.) I lost a quarter of my life locked away in a long term psych ward not knowing if I would ever get out. I lost everything. I lost my career, my SO, my friends, my life. I cannot even speak my nightmares. My siblings live in a different state but still my elderly parents would be devastated. Always someone left behind to shoulder this horror. 🖤

DarkHeaven ·

@RoboChloe Even Angels cry baby, but there are promises to keep.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,. But I have promises to keep,. And miles to go before I sleep,. And miles to go before I sleep.”
— Robert Frost

DarkHeaven ·

@DarkHeaven
Please call. They can help you.

Call 1-800-273-8255

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@DarkHeaven thank you for trying to help... ❤

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