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Isolation.

I'm having a really hard time right now with suicidal thoughts and self harm. I don't feel able to reach out to my friends for help. I desperately want them to reach out to me, because I need them. But if they do reach out, I don't know if I'll respond. I don't know if I can. But I really do need them.

This is the worst I've been in a long time. possibly the worst I've ever been. I've never felt this isolated from my friends, despite never before having this many. I hate that I'm doing this to myself. I feel totally trapped being this person who can't and doesn't want to help herself. Who can't even ask for help. I don't see a way out right now.

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IAmJess · 22-25, F

*hugs*

You okay? 😟

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RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@IAmJess nope. i'm feeling absolutely awful. thanks for the hug though. ❤

IAmJess · 22-25, F

@RoboChloe Do you have someone to reach out to? Someone to talk to?

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@IAmJess so many people... unfortunately i've been finding it really hard to reach out recently.

IAmJess · 22-25, F

@RoboChloe if you're feeling this down then you really need to. are you close to your mom?

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@IAmJess i used to be, but we haven't spoken in a while. there's a long, complicated history there...

IAmJess · 22-25, F

@RoboChloe unless things are *really* bad, I think moms are the best place to start for help.

what about other people? siblings? friends??

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@IAmJess I think at this point, having planned my suicide, fucked up my eating to the point of anorexia again, and lost all desire for anything good in my life, things are definitely really bad...

I have a fairly bog group of supportive friends and family but they can't be very useful when i don't talk to them :(

IAmJess · 22-25, F

@RoboChloe yeah you need to call them. this is not a very good place for the kind of support you need right now. please call them. *hugs*

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@IAmJess My friends on SW are pretty much the only reason I made it to today. I was so, so bad yesterday but they got me through it. You're right though, i need to contact my friends and especially my sister... but it's just so hard. It's just... hard.

IAmJess · 22-25, F

@RoboChloe you have a sister? that's awesome. yes, she is the one to call. please reach out to her. i hope you're okay.

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@IAmJess Yeah, she's amazing. I really miss her...

IAmJess · 22-25, F

@RoboChloe 🤗

JustGoneNow

@RoboChloe
These people can help.

Call 1-800-273-8255

JustGoneNow

@RoboChloe Please don’t do this to your family that loves you. There’s always someone left behind to shoulder this horror. Please don’t.

JustGoneNow

@RoboChloe I don’t know how you plan it but don’t make your sister’s last vision of you be your cold lifeless body. It’ll destroy her.🖤

JustGoneNow

@RoboChloe
Please call.

Call 1-800-273-8255

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@JustGoneNow I know. And i'm trying to stay alive for her, and for everyone else who loves me, but i don't know how long i can go on living just for other people. I feel purposeless. I feel like the only reason i have to live is because other people want me to, not because i have my own goals. i'm so, so tired of life. I just want to go. :(

IAmJess · 22-25, F

@RoboChloe chloe, please call your sister. i'm walking into work now so i'm going to be gone for a few hours, but please call her. 🤗🤗

JustGoneNow

@RoboChloe So it’s okay to ruin their lives? We are not talking about a puppy here. We are talking about you and what your life means to them. It will destroy them. They will be left behind with only you gone.

JustGoneNow

@RoboChloe I promise you I’m not talking shit. I know what alone feels like. I understand desperation. 🖤

https://similarworlds.com/32-Personal-Thoughts-Feelings/1785465-Alone-How-can-I-scream-out-when-I-no-longer-have-a

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@JustGoneNow I love them, so much, but i'm not a perfectly selfless angel. I can't hold on forever just for them...

JustGoneNow

@RoboChloe I know you don’t know me but I’m a 42 year old woman with no RL friends. I’ve never had children (medical issue.) I lost a quarter of my life locked away in a long term psych ward not knowing if I would ever get out. I lost everything. I lost my career, my SO, my friends, my life. I cannot even speak my nightmares. My siblings live in a different state but still my elderly parents would be devastated. Always someone left behind to shoulder this horror. 🖤

JustGoneNow

@RoboChloe Even Angels cry baby, but there are promises to keep.

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,. But I have promises to keep,. And miles to go before I sleep,. And miles to go before I sleep.”
— Robert Frost

JustGoneNow

@JustGoneNow
Please call. They can help you.

Call 1-800-273-8255

RoboChloe · 26-30, F

@JustGoneNow thank you for trying to help... ❤

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