It’s odd how I miss someone I never want to see again…

If they come back, it better be to stay… if they come back, I bet all will be merry until a few hours have passed, and then I don’t see or hear or know anything about them for another year… only about a months time till the last time I saw them in person. It broke my heart bc I had waited so long and I was sure that that was going to be the day that we’d be together forever more… but it was silence. They left and there is nothing more to report except for the day dream I sometimes have about them. I imagine them walking in to my restaurant for lunch unannounced, and sit in my section. To both of our surprises we are amused to have the universe bring us together like this… I’ve imagined this various ways, including versions where he is with another person; a lover, a co-worker, his brother etc. Each way destined for us to cross paths. Each way we separate, but there’s always something about how-ever it unfolds that keeps him thinking about me in a different way than before. In a way that lingers and resonates something inside himself…. Except I don’t do anything about it. I observe it and move on about my day… it’s too late. I can’t go back. I’ve moved on and it wasn’t easy!— that lingering sensation in a sense is punishment for him!—- I can’t choose him unless he forces himself to go after me and the only way he can do that is if he really wants to!… I know someone who really wants to now, sooo— 🤷‍♀ He has to figure it out….As far as I know right now, he’s not going to. And if he did- he has competition now. I don’t have time for someone who is only interested in being entertained by me when it’s convenient anymore, or someone who won’t fully step up to the plate for one reason or another. I need confidence. Assurance. Boldness. Love. Honestly. Authentic actions. I want someone who wants to Live With Me. See things… He will come back, and I don’t expect him to stay. But “I will”.