What even are my emotions anymore?...

I'm in a weird little place between sad and angry and grieving and it's like... bro, I'm tireeeed.
It's sort of a familiar place already, I guess. I don't know why I keep grieving this one friendship that has been dying for like more tha half a year already, and I'm sad about it and I understand that like I understand where all three emotons are coming from, I'm just tired of it.
The thing is, I have lost friendships before, friendships that were a lot longer and a lot more painful to lose than this one but the pain didn't last this long, mostly I think it's because I'm very good at the whole "out of sight out of mind" thing and when people walk away I find peace rather quickly. I doesn't mean I don't miss them but I get tangled up in life very quickly once they're gone. It always passes within a month or so.
This one is not passing.
Mind you I have family members who have died who I was pretty close to and the feeling just... passed.
This person is fully alive, fully not even in the same city as me and I just an't seem to shake of this feeling.
ugh.
anyway.
I'm very aware of thise feelings right now, so.