I had a HUGE day today it seemed...

So much happened...

I am now thinking of how the more I am being my natural self, the more "friends" move away..

But I am truly tired of healing, caring and trimming my naturalness.

I want to be loved but not in the cost of keeping everyone feeling safe, because that means constantly watching and editing my self.

What are your thoughts on that? Do you dare to be yourself and how people react?

I observe the more "real" I get, friends are dropping out..

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ninalanyon · 61-69, T

Well it happened to me to, coming out to my old schoolfriend seemed to go well but that was because he's too polite to make a fuss so i didn't find out that being me didn't fit with him. We're still friends but probably just pen friends now.

But I think I have to live with it. I spent most of my life fitting in, I was never a rebellious teenager, I was a faithful husband, provided for my children; now it's my time.

But that's no guide for anyone else, especially someone like you who is half my age.

SageWanderer · 70-79, M

At my age, you have to deal with who I am. Yes, lost people I thought were friends but gained a new appreciation for those who stayed and new ones!

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

Being real feels amazing, but very few people will meet you there and accept you as you are. The only place I have found people is here.

Boeing · 36-40

@ScreamingFox the world had turned performative too much isn't it

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

@Boeing it seems inescapable

JRVanguard · 26-30, M

It’s a balance
Cause on one hand you want people to like you for who you are and not who you feel you may need act as
But on the other hand we realistically will act somewhat how we feel like we “should” for lack of a better word be that consciously or subconsciously

OlderSometimesWiser · F

If a person can’t handle me being myself then they’re not really my friend.

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ninalanyon · 61-69, T

@OlderSometimesWiser True, but I think we sometimes have to accept degrees of friendship or we will risk having none at all. But no one should take my pronouncements on friendship seriously; I haven't figured out how it's done.

OlderSometimesWiser · F

@ninalanyon No, you make a fair point. Maybe I’ve just become okay with being alone rather than having to fake it. Too old for that, although I’ve always been somewhat stubborn and nonconformist when it comes to societal expectations. Lol….. for better or worse, I’ve gotta be me.

I was sad to read about what happened with your friend in France. Unfortunate that after all those years of friendship, he couldn’t handle you being your authentic self.

ninalanyon · 61-69, T

@OlderSometimesWiser Thank you; my friend and I hadn't visited each other more than sporadically for a long time so the practical effect is actually fairly small. I just feel annoyed with myself that I didn't think how my transformation would have an effect on him and sad that he is somewhat less broadminded than I thought.

But his reaction has served as a reminder that I really should consider that other people might be caught off guard if the haven't seen me for a while. So when I've summoned sufficient courage I'll send an email with a recent picture to my in-laws and a couple of acquaintances who have said i should visit. I haven't seen any of my in-laws for about four years so they haven't seen me with pierced ears or in a dress.

QCDog2659 · 61-69, M

As has been written..."To thine own self be true."

Always, without hesitation, be the wonder that is YOU.

Boeing · 36-40

@QCDog2659 that's what I am doing because there is nothing else I can do!

JackDaniels · 46-50, M

You be you and that is the best version of you.

Ohplease47 · F

What are you doing these days?

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