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Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@Convivial I'm trying. But I'm quite cut throat. In desperately trying not to cut her off.
Because I know she needs a friend.
But I can't keep listening to the same stories on repeat every time we talk...
It can end up being 2 hour conversations, if you interject she restarts the story.
It's like being held prisoner.
She came along to bonfire night last night but after speaking briefly about the food stands she started spun it around to an event she attended with the most recent guy then the rest of the evening was spent talking about him and retelling the stories. I was there with my son and my brain went into flight mode. Trying to figure out how to steer things differently but every tactic was dismissed. So distance is needed.
Because I know she needs a friend.
But I can't keep listening to the same stories on repeat every time we talk...
It can end up being 2 hour conversations, if you interject she restarts the story.
It's like being held prisoner.
She came along to bonfire night last night but after speaking briefly about the food stands she started spun it around to an event she attended with the most recent guy then the rest of the evening was spent talking about him and retelling the stories. I was there with my son and my brain went into flight mode. Trying to figure out how to steer things differently but every tactic was dismissed. So distance is needed.
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@SW-User that was me saying that to her. And acknowledging that I don't think she's in the place I was when I went to my counselling sessions and had what I would say was life changing. No one's perfect and I am definitely a work in progress.
Yes she does try to get me to understand but not when it's repeated stories almost as if she has forgotten she has told me these things before.
One thing I've said to her In those moments are yes I remember you mentioning this before. I thought it was... Whatever is an appropriate as a comment at the time.
As it's in regards to the men she is dating.
A lot of the time I tend to notice that they are players. And point out what indicates this to me. Ie not taking her on a date in public, but inviting her around for dinner instead and then they end up sleeping together. Something she said isn't the standard she likes. (So why do it? Why feel the guilt after? She wasn't pressured, she wasn't held there by force.) This is getting long. I'll leave it there.
Yes she does try to get me to understand but not when it's repeated stories almost as if she has forgotten she has told me these things before.
One thing I've said to her In those moments are yes I remember you mentioning this before. I thought it was... Whatever is an appropriate as a comment at the time.
As it's in regards to the men she is dating.
A lot of the time I tend to notice that they are players. And point out what indicates this to me. Ie not taking her on a date in public, but inviting her around for dinner instead and then they end up sleeping together. Something she said isn't the standard she likes. (So why do it? Why feel the guilt after? She wasn't pressured, she wasn't held there by force.) This is getting long. I'll leave it there.
SW-User
@Mellowgirl oh I see...
Listen, you've got a baby to give your energy into, right?
Let that friend be, follow her story but take it more lightly, be there for her if you wish to but protect your peace.
Each has their own pace for their journey to unfold... There's no right or wrong or anything to blame.
Again, I am saying these being unaware of your full story. Days, words, the totality of the relationship, only you can know..
Listen, you've got a baby to give your energy into, right?
Let that friend be, follow her story but take it more lightly, be there for her if you wish to but protect your peace.
Each has their own pace for their journey to unfold... There's no right or wrong or anything to blame.
Again, I am saying these being unaware of your full story. Days, words, the totality of the relationship, only you can know..
Mellowgirl · 31-35, F
@SW-User whole heartedly agree with you. That was the only reason for sending the message. I thought on it and felt like sharing this as I thought it would offer something good at least in trying to get her to maybe look at things from a different angle. Thank you for listening. I appreciate it.