How would you feel about receiving this?

I have wanted to say this but out of fear of upsetting you I haven't, but I feel like this is important.

I don't know if I said this before but prior to getting my counselling when my dad was sick I made an active decision to let the pain go.

Reading up on personality types, attachment styles, trying to investigate and understand why a person does x y and z wasn't helpful.

All it did was keep me a prisoner to the trauma I had already faced. It also kept me in this loop of over thinking and re traumatizing myself because every time I spoke of the pain it was like reliving the experience over and over again.

I also spent a lot of time asking the people around me what they made of x y and z, regardless of what they told me I never felt satisfied with their answers.

It almost became an obsession, which wasn't healthy and consumed me daily.

When I presented this thought process to my therapist, they agreed and said it was quite a profound conclusion to come to.

In my therapy I set out what things I needed to be able to move forward and I worked through that with them.

I don't think you're there yet but I hope by sharing this with you you will start to look things differently.

When we first met we had an array of things we could discuss and I came away feeling like I provided you with something positive and vice versa.

My worry is that this could lead you to spiral somewhere dark.
Life is incredibly harder than ever right now.

And I need you to be able to get through this and the only way I can see that happening is by you being able to find some peace.

I'm not saying this to silence you, I'm saying this because I care.
When I said that there are a lot of people struggling atm i was trying to provide the reality of what's happening.

In recessions, in austerity however you want to define it a lot of men don't "settle down" it's not because they don't meet good women it's because they live with a lot of uncertainty.

With this knowledge it's imperative to protect yourself and your wellbeing.
However that looks. I don't have the magic answers, as you have seen my relationship has broken down but on my own I'm trying not to focus on the crap I'm trying to move forward because I now have a responsibility that yes I wanted but ideally I didn't want to do on my own.

I cannot let his crap cause me to break down and potentially lose my children.

It's tough because you are so sweet natured and one of the reasons I warmed to you.

But for now I think warrior Eileen is going to have to come out.

If you can look back on the past pains in anyway perhaps think about the type of woman you would have preferred to have been in those situations that would have protected you.

Wear that!

It doesn't have to be forever but at least until you feel you can start living in your soft girl era again.

Because you deserve to have that opportunity. ❤🙏🏾