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Still no friends.

I have a habit of gifting expensive things to people who I seemingly get along with and care about to show my appreciation of them. I want to have real friends, but I find myself being taken advantage of whether it's intentional or not. I've always been someone to be overly generous and kind.

The last item I gave someone who I thought we had a connection was their first gaming computer that I built for them. I know they wanted to get into PC gaming for the past year that I've known them and they finally got the opportunity to do so. Prior to this, I have given away a laptop and another desktop computer to help another friend who was getting into programming and was going to school at the time.

The thing is, prior to this, I barely get any replies outside of work and communication is pretty much nonexistent. I met most of the people who I thought I got along with well at work since that's where I spend most of my time at anyway. RIP work life balance.

I noticed that the people I meet don't really see me as their friend outside of work. I go out of my way for them, look the other way when they are on the hot seat, and spoil them by buying them lunch on the regular and trying to make their work hours a little easier to bare by taking on extra load for them.

I listen to them at work when they come to me about troubles outside of work. Give them encouragement, and cheer them on on their successes. I do a lot of things, things I wish someone would do for me.

As an adult, I find it impossible to make any friends whether I was broke or well off, no one really took the time to get to know me. My friends from my childhood whom I still keep in contact with are now starting to become the same kind of people.

People who are more than willing to accept gifts and good will but I become nonexistent to them if I stop giving parts of myself to them. If I just stop, wait, and listen... my world is completely silent and empty.

I do not bare ill will. I was always the one willing to forgive even if they betray my trust or hurt me over the years. My doors were always open. But the door goes both ways. They can easily walk in and out of my life, just like that. I don't believe anyone when they tell me they care, while at the same time keeping me around out of their convenience. I've been told a lot of empty promises and lies that I have become numb to it all.

True friends don't exist.

It became apparent when I became ill recently. Not one of my friends even cared to reach out to me while I was at the hospital. When my life turned upside down, facing the ground the last thoughts I believed were final was if my friends would even care if this was it for me? Will they even notice if I'm gone?

I've had many close calls before, and each time I find myself alone. At my lowest, clinging onto life. Rebuilding my life I realize that it was all me. I didn't need anyone to tell me those things I thought I needed to hear. Words of encouragement, caring and kind words that are alien to me at this point.

I never had a true friend.

The only time I am remembered these days for being technically inclined and for tech support calls. I guess in the end of the day, it really does come down to what you have to offer otherwise you don't exist to people.
Stop spending money on people, especially women. That's what Hallmark Cards are for. Women will instinctively take and take and take.

As for guys, it is less of a issue, but he might think you are relationship material and if you just want strictly platonic friends don't spend much on them. If it is a relationship you are aiming for, let him court you to the extent he finacially can at first befkre revealing you got money to blow and want to spend on him. It's every guys fantasy to be with a hot rich woman in her mansion but to drive a shitty car and work a low paying job. Massive ego boost, and a massive weight off our shoulders. I've only seen that happen once, but he was legendary for it.

My God Mother used to take off with her college best friend to Amish country regularly, a place called Sugar Creek in Ohio. To me it's just a cheese shop but women love it. I would put out ads on meetup.com about visiting such places as a group of women, rent a van (drive it) and list how many women can go at a time. If you get just one you win, and if it is a group of close knit friends who you'll float on the peripheral of, then you sorta got cheated but still had something to do and can try again next meetup meeting.
Justmeraeagain · 56-60, F
You can't buy friends.

Small gifts are usually more appreciated.
When you give people,that you haven't known for very long or you only see at work, elaborate gifts they wonder what you want in return.
If you insist they may believe it's something you want to do and do not realize that means you want friendship with it.
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eyeno · M
Learned in my young adult life.

All you've mentioned above
Anytime you do something for someone and expect something in return you'll get hurt.

So I've learned to give from my heart, not my pockets.

Rokan · 31-35, M
The last thing i want from anyone is to purchase me something i hate that. My best memories with my friends are just stitting around trying to figure out what to do for the day. Simple things matter.
AuRevoir · 36-40, M
Next time you’re tempted to go out of your way for someone else. Stop. And make sure that whatever the cost, time, energy, you were planning on giving that person. You instead make a plan on giving to yourself first.

Most people are narcissistically inclined, whether they’re willing to admit that or not. And they will take things for granted. With little to no appreciation behind the sentiment or cost or effort applied by you.

So in turn you need to learn to be a little more selfish for yourself, since no one else is looking out for you.
True friends will just want your company.
DeWayfarer · 61-69, M
Gifts are only gifts if nothing is expected in return.

Gifts are not intended to CREATE a relationship.

Your approach is all wrong.

You don't donate to a charity to expect something or receive attention either.

You do so to actually help a situation.
Let them be your friend first and show you they are worthy. Are they interested in you ? Do they listen and show empathy. And are they fun? :)
darkmere1983 · 46-50, M
if you beg for friendships, you'l never find any, except those who will just use you. Do something about your desperation.
Babaloo64 · 41-45, M
So sad.People are selfish nowadays,if you like you can talk to me or even PM me
Jessmari · 41-45
Those were clients getting a hell of a discount, not friends.
MarkPaul · 26-30, M
Friendships can be elusive.
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