I wish to find people again who see me like that

You seem abusive to yourself if you allow things to happen and you can bring things on, as well, by worrying about them and expecting them to come out badly. Abuse will happen as long as you allow it, and no further. Love yourself enough to be a brother to yourself and help yourself.

Eventually we get to a point where we just see people as "acquaintances" rather than "friends".

Nobody really cares about anyone except themselves.

Huh?