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Thinking about a close friend who's the reason I came back to SW

The last thing she told me was "'Insulting'? You're an insult to yourself. Just like everyone else you know. Lose my number for good this time"

Before that, she told me that anybody would be dumb to take my advice because I don't follow my own.
I told her she was probably right. Nobody should take any advice I give. I'm just trying to change my life so I can be more reliable to those around me.

She got angry & told me I was twisting her words to fit my narrative... Even though I clearly gave in & told her she was right.
After that I told her that every time she makes an insulting comment, I do my best to overlook it & take it in stride but it's very hard to overlook when it really hurts.
I know what a piece of shit I am so I don't need the extra reminders.

That was when she said the last thing she ever said to me.
"You're an insult to yourself. Just like everyone else you know".

Coming from someone who was there for me when nobody else was. Somebody I trusted & cried to when I knew what a piece of shit I was. She knew my struggles. She knew all of me.

& In the end she was just another person who gave up on me. Everybody gives up on me eventually.

I hate how much that's bothering me right now

I decided to even include the last texts so anybody reading this might understand a bit. Please don't talk bad about her. I'm posting this because I was talking about it yesterday & now I'm thinking about it.

[image/video deleted]

Right before that argument went down, she made a comment that I should come back to SW to say hi.
I literally made this account that exact same night, even though we fought & weren't friends anymore ever since.

So it's thanks to her that I'm here. & I won't say any names. I still care even though I don't think I could be her friend again.

& I highly doubt she's reading this but if you are... I just wanna say I always cared about you & I always will 🖤
I'm not sure if I would've made it in life without you.

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SW-User

Sometimes people just lose patience with each other and from then on it's downhill. There is a time when certain friendships are perfect but it doesn't always last forever, perhaps because neither of you are in a place where it can. So it runs its natural course and the ending is hostile because the patience has gone. There is nothing that you can do in most cases, it's just a thing that wasn't going to last. Wrong people, wrong time. I've been there more than once.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@SW-User Yeah it sucks. I used to tell her idk where I would be without her & I meant that. Quite honestly, it wasn't until I developed feelings for somebody in my life, that she started to get a bit hostile at times. Things just got worse from there. The fights increased, our silence increased, & over time I lost the energy to fight with her. If she got mad at me I would leave it alone & walk away.

Eventually I just couldn't keep walking away & coming back. I finally just had to stay gone

SW-User

There seems to be so much anger in those messages. I’m all for insulting friends as banter @SW-User is my best friend and I call him worse than shit on a daily basis…but it’s all banter. When insults are meant and said with malicious intent honestly you’re better off not having that person as a friend. You don’t need that in your life. Friends should lift you up, support you and help you see the best of yourself

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SW-User

@SW-User you always come back to the mutant 😂
Go have your annual bath, I can smell you from here

TurtleEclipseOfTheHeart · 22-25, F

@SW-User it’s always so funny when y’all do what y’all do to each other 😅

SW-User

@TurtleEclipseOfTheHeart some things never change

SW-User

Chief, i am not going to rain down on her attitude, but i am going to tell you this, and i hope you will listen.
Do not be her friend again.
It will do you no good.

Perhaps i am wrong. But if i am right, and you some day be her friend again and it all goes south, imagine what damage that can do to your life that you worked so hard to turn around.

I am sorry if it is too direct.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@SW-User you're fine in saying that 🙏 I don't plan on being her friend again. I still wish her the best but I'll do that from a distance now

Stark

I know this isn’t every text or interaction between you two, but every text in this photo expressed so much tension, anger, and resentment. There was an intense amount of anger behind the words being said. This reminds me of the situation I had a few days ago with someone. There was a similar feel to their words a lot of anger behind it. Which is usually derived from hurt. Not to excuse it in anyway, but I think at that point there’s no fixing or mending the relationship. She’s obviously hurt and was keeping some shit inside about it resulting in an unclear aggression towards you.

Regardless of her hurt it still wasn’t justified for her to attack you in that way. I’m sure when it was good it was good and when it was bad it was really bad with you two, but when people are hurt it’s hard to see past their own selfishness. It also shows the level of maturity they have when they’re hurt and react in that way. The lack of communication is so off and odd to me. Although, she may have meant well and had well intentions She did not know how to express her wanting more and better for you without tearing you down and attacking you. My dad can be kind of the same way when it comes to stuff like that and as I’ve gotten older I’ve just realized these type of things about him.

I feel bad I literally passed out on you 😵. I feel like you really needed someone to talk to lastnight 🤗

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Stark that makes sense. I did feel like there was an anger behind everything that I couldn't fix. I don't know if that was my fault, or just something that built up in her over time. But I give her the benefit of the doubt.

I think she did mean well & she did care about me.. she maybe even still does. She always told me that she's never loved anybody as much as she loves me & even when we fight & stop talking, she eventually will text me & make up for everything. I don't think that'll happen this time though. & I don't plan on being the one to initiate it.
The way you said you had this situation a few days ago, was that your ex that you told me about?

But don't feel bad 🤗 I was okay. I actually had a really good night last night

Stark

@ChiefJustWalks it wasn’t your fault… there was a barrier preventing you from even attempting to fix it because she held it in and instead became a bit passive aggressive in a way. She was upset about something you didn’t even have the opportunity to fix because she didn’t give you that opportunity. But, also like you mentioned it could be she had feelings for you, and if they weren’t mutual which it seems they weren’t and I’m sure she knew that. In those situations if you’re not capable of moving past the feelings not being mutual and maintain just a friendship alone then it can really taint and tarnish the relationship.

Yeah, this situation reminded me of my ex and the more I’ve thought about it. The more I’ve come to realize there just a lot of anger and hurt it’s not something that can be mended without it turning into some toxic cycle. Which I’m not one for toxic things. 🤷‍♀️ I have to much shit going on in my life to have that type of negative energy floating over me. It’s too draining and exhausting. It’s just not welcomed. You seem to have a wonderful perspective about this all though. You have such a forgiving and loving heart 🤗. Im glad you were able to have the experience of such a supportive, loving, and caring friendship when it was loving. But, I’m also sorry for all the hurt and disrespect you experienced when it wasn’t.

AuRevoir · 36-40, M

Not to spoil your moment at the end there but she doesn’t sound like a friend to me.. 🤷‍♀️ Just a spoiled brat..

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AuRevoir · 36-40, M

@ChiefJustWalks I feel like it shows with her attitude and wording and phrasings..

Like an aunt who never had kids of her own to raise kind of a thing…

But trying to tell her niece/nephews or brother/sisters, her perspectives… Even though she just didn’t know anything..

A lot of know it alls exist..

I’m more under the “I know everything that I know umbrella” so I think I come across as a know it all but it’s more I only speak up on things my ego tells me that I know.. (which everyone really does anyway..)

And you being caught up in a cycle.. with others also being caught up in a cycle.. is kind of normal.. society is shit like that, and though there are a myriad of solutions for it, no one will ever implement them for us, so situationally we’re left with luck and effort, and hoping the mixture prevails into something good for us..

But yeah. I do hope that you don’t let the person back in your life cuz they have a high horse.. And they honestly don’t seem like a friend.. They seem more like, someone who can use you for their own situations, via drama or, whatever they’re going through really..

Talking or helping someone in your state probably made them feel like they were earning their virtue signal badge of the week each time they did it..

Which is kind of why I hate how a lot of people talk a big talk on the internet… But when it comes to actually volunteering time or energy into something good for anyones life.. it’s more about clout.. And feigning to be the pope for a fifteen minutes of an internet posts fame.. idk just a rant..

Hope you’re finding better company these days and that people aren’t trying to put you down for being stuck in shitty situations like that.. shit happens, and life is strange… And cruel, and twisted enough as it is.. without them needing to remind you of every bit of it..

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@AuRevoir crazy how accurate you are in that assessment. She speaks very highly of her neice & nephew but she's never had kids herself. She's also very critical of everybody in her life. When she would get mad at me, oftentimes I understood. Because she would be mad at me for stupid choices I made. Nobody else in my life could stop me or control me so it was different having her to talk sense into me in such a calm way. I really listened.

Once my life started picking up, I got really busy & worked constantly, I would talk to her about my whole life & she got mad because she didn't like how I was living my life, being happy doing stupid things, while her health is declining fast... She would also get mad at me because of all the alcohol I drank & drugs I did.. because I destroyed my health & that bothered her because her health is so bad these days. She would tell me how much it hurt to see me throw my life away when she wishes she could have her life back.

I guess this post was mostly because I haven't been able to talk about it. So this was a way for me to get it out. I'm still not mad at her.. & she may not be a real friend anymore. But once upon a time... She was a real friend

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Reject · 26-30, M

Friends make the worst enemies.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Reject powerful statement... & very true

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

I don't know either of your back stories, but can offer up a reminder that in general hurt people, hurt people. That always helps me find patience and compassion for when shit goes south with someone in a conversation like that, and with some people we care about that are harsh to us. I'm sorry you lost a friend and that you're having to learn that hard lesson of finding peace when theres no reconciliation. 🤗 It does seem like this friend, while only in your life for a season, taught you a lot.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Starcrossed She did teach me a lot. Some of those are things I still think about every day.
But I wish her the best regardless of how anything went down

deadgerbil · 26-30

I wonder how close of a friendship she thought it was if she felt the need to constantly insult you

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@deadgerbil well it wasn't constantly.. but she did insult me every now & then. After we fought & made up she would tell me how much she loves me & was trying to help by being honest with me. It wasn't always that mean... It just got meaner over time

Jenny1234 · 51-55, F

Sounds like she came into your life at a time you needed her but now it’s time to let her go. You can love her from afar. She doesn’t appear to have anything else to offer you as the friendship seems to have turned toxic

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Jenny1234 yeah I haven't talked to her since February. We've often fought then made up later but I don't plan on doing that again. She's done a lot for me & I appreciate that... but I think it's over now

SW-User

I know the feeling, and I'm so sorry you feel like that too 🥺🤗

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@SW-User & I'm sorry you've felt like that 🥺🤗

kodiac · 22-25, M

One thing I've learned in my time here is you can know someone for a long time like 2 years and suddenly you realize you don't know them at all. There are a lot of broken people here including me. It's a fine line i think because i need people to be honest with me and not just heap praise trying to make me feel better i need constructive criticism but there's nothing constructive about her comments.

PoetryNEmotion · F

Surround yourself with golden people. Those who support you. Honest. Loving. Caring. Then you won' t have to worry about losing friends. Some people are not meant to walk beside you for a long time; nevertheless, you may learn from them and even love them for some time. I didn't read the talk between you two. I don' t need to. Move forward knowing she is in your past.

ExtremeNext · 31-35

That made me cry 😢

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@ExtremeNext aw 🥺

Ferric67 · M

Sorry to hear dude

SledgeHammer · 46-50, M

🤦‍♂️

SW-User

When people are hurting they say things that are hurtful at times

SledgeHammer · 46-50, M

@SW-User ikr...

TheRascallyOne · 31-35, M

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ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Ryannnnnn that's tough man, I'm sorry. But I think I get w what you mean. Now that I'm not in a bad place anymore, it seems she sorta resents me. It's sad

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