I have a friend overseas that's loved me for a long time

She wants to come over and see me but she doesn't want to get hurt. I've told her to just come and see me as a friend because I can't have feelings like that unless I spend time with someone in person. So I can't gaurentee anything. We get on super well, I think she's attractive and she's funny af but I don't think you can know unless you actually spend time in person.

I think I have a block on certain emotions due to my past and present of not being in a relationship for a long time and my self worth negative beliefs. Is it just me that's like that?.

I think I'm being fair and honest there?

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SW-User

She doesn't want to get hurt? Yet she knows she has feelings and you don't.
Seems like a person saying that doesn't want to drown but jumps into a deep pool.

Love feelings can't be forced.

The block doesn't seem to come from not being in a relationship, but from the hurt of the past even if you're healing or already healed.

Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M

@SW-User Yeah I can't form attachments as easily as her. That's just the way I work anyway.

Caleidoscope · F

It's true you don't know a person unless you spend time in person.But even if you do spend time in person ,there are many chances you won't know her totally.Maybe you'd be even more confused about her.

Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M

@Caleidoscope Yeah exactly and I sort of said that

RebelFox · 36-40, F

You gotta let go of that old shiz. She doesn’t deserve it, neither do you. I’d say meeting as friends is fair for both of you. Sometimes you just gotta see what happens and it could be a great experience for you both regardless if something romantic happens.

ImpeccablyImperfect · 51-55, F

That sounds completely fair
Good for you, for being honest and upfront with her.
These days, with internet dating, hookups and all the other ‘instant gratification’ options available, there are so many who just want the physical satisfaction, without care for the ‘connection’ you are looking for.

I hope she can see that and appreciates it.

I hope it works out for you both!

Montanaman · M

So is she coming or what? 🤔

Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M

@Montanaman Not sure yet, I've told her to just come as a friend if she wants to come, she was wanting to come here for other reasons anyway.

Montanaman · M

@Ryannnnnn that's good then, the ball's in her court. 👍

Miram · 31-35, F

It sounds fair to me.

SW-User

Good

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