Food and eating

I don't have a great relationship with food. I have been eating my emotions for decades now.
Lately though, I feel like I am so tired of being controlled by food, and of being fat, that I am almost angry at food. I eat when someone suggests it or asks me to make a meal for them but I honestly can't bring myself to commit to a meal otherwise. Instead I have been eating a little , then going back and eating a little of something else and so on...
So it's like snacking all day rather than meals that overwhelm me.
I feel like eventually I'm just going to stop eating.
I don't want to eat anymore, I hate it. I hate food so much you'd think I'd be skinny and throwing up or something but I'm not.
I can't sit easily with the feeling of hunger so I end up eating when I think of something that would easily and quickly go down.
I do need to lose a lot of weight so I don't feel like I want to talk to anyone about it.
Actually there is one food that I do like, I like fruit. Fruit has never hurt me.
I don't mind smoothies too. I might try and stick to fruit and smoothies.