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I shouldn't assume things

Last week was so incredibly hard. We had to say goodbye to Jeremy, and there really aren’t words for how painful that was, especially for the kids.

It was supposed to be my ex-wife’s weekend with the boys, but after everything that happened, of course they wanted to stay here with us. She told me she would see them the next weekend, so I honestly thought she meant this weekend.

I texted her to check, and she told me no, it wasn’t her weekend. She would get them next weekend, like normal.

I guess I just assumed she would want to see them. I thought maybe she would want to hug them, check on them, or just be there for them after losing Jeremy. But she hasn’t seen them or even FaceTimed them since we lost him.

And that hurts more than I can really explain, because the kids are hurting too. They’re trying to understand why Daddy is gone, while also trying to understand who is still going to be there for them.

Link especially has been worried. He keeps wondering if she’s upset with him because he had an accident the last time he was there. He’s just a little boy carrying so much right now, and it breaks my heart that he’s even thinking about whether someone is mad at him when what he really needs is to know that he is loved.

I wish I could take all of this away from them. I wish they didn’t have to wonder who is coming, who is leaving, or whether they did something wrong.

They’ve already lost so much. They just need people to show up, love them, and remind them that none of this is their fault. ❤‍🩹
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Poppies · 61-69, F
It sounds like she is generally loving and generous to the kids, I remember Jeremy telling about how she wanted to have Sissy visit along with the boys--not everyone would want to mother two kids in addition to her own! But Sissy wasn't quite up to taking that step.
In the meantime, she wants to stick to the regular schedule. Nothing wrong with that. It would be nice for her to have a FaceTime with the kids, though.
Cigarguys · 41-45, C
@Poppies i just thought she might be a little more flexible during this very hard time.
ineedadrink · 56-60, M
Wow, she sounds like a bundle of cuddles, doesn't she. Makes one want to believe in Karma.
Cigarguys · 41-45, C
@ineedadrink she is good when it's her weekend or emergencys. But she has never asked to have Link on any day that wasn't scheduled.
ineedadrink · 56-60, M
@Cigarguys This is kinda a huge, all hands on deck emergency, in my opinion.
Cigarguys · 41-45, C
@ineedadrink i would think so, they both wanted to see her but she's okay with them waiting. I tried to FaceTime her and she didn't answer.
GoFish ·
ay 🙁 it's good they still have you.. sorry he is gone.. 😐
You know my opinions on her and im so sorry she’s being like especially when you really need the extra support right now. Im so sorry joel 🫂
Gibbon · 70-79, M
How is the tiny Tornado doing?
Cigarguys · 41-45, C
@Gibbon I took the bear and put some of Jeremy's deodorant on it so it would smell like him. TT has so happy about that. He can carry that bear around as long as he needs too. When he goes to school he puts the bear in his offices chair and gives him a glasses of water. And he runs to get him as soon as he gets home.
Gibbon · 70-79, M
@Cigarguys aww that kid has been all heart in every story Jeremy told us about him
Cigarguys · 41-45, C
@Gibbon we are keeping a close eye on him. He's getting counseling at school and as much family support as he, well all the kids need. None of us have slept in our rooms since we lost him. We've all been in the family room, Jeremy's favorite room in the house.
Gusman · 61-69, M
Life can be cruel for sure.
So many times it is the children that suffer the most. Always the children. 😞
Cigarguys · 41-45, C
@Gusman i guess i don't have the right to be upset because this wasn't her weekend but i just thought she'd want to see how her son and TT are doing
Gusman · 61-69, M
@Cigarguys When it comes to the wellbeing of your children, you have the right to experience all those emotions which come with raising children.
It is a little callous of your ex to not reach out to Link and the kids. If only to let them know she is there for them when they require love and reassurance. 😞
Cigarguys · 41-45, C
@Gusman she has been a great every other weekend and one week a summer mother but has never wanted or asked for more time with Link. He's almost always with me. She loves and spoils them when she does have them, but that is it.
class · F
Not being able to control someone else's pain protects your mental health and gives them the space to build their own strength.
Could Jeremy's death have affected her, too???

Maybe she's not sure how to navigate grief with the children, so she's keeping her distance instead of asking "Just talk me through how to do this, Joel"???

I know it's kind of shitty for you, but fear responses tend to make us avoid situations that we perceive might be painful or difficult to navigate.
Cigarguys · 41-45, C
@HootyTheNightOwl i guess it could have
Barefooter25 · 46-50, M
Jeremy's passing has been hard for everyone around your circle. The best thing to do is to keep a close eye on the kids. As for your ex, maybe deep down she is taking Jeremy's death hard and she doesn't want to show it.
Lilnonames · F
i not really no what to say cause words cant hide pain, i give yo a prayer to pwer through this🙏
Cigarguys · 41-45, C
@Lilnonames thank you

 
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