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Is it hard as a grandparent to understand that you don't have much say in how a grandchild is raised?

Why do some grandparents think they have a parental right to tell their children and their children- in-law how to raise their families?

Is it hard to remember that they had their time when they raised their own?

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OlderSometimesWiser · F

Unfortunately there are those grandparents who do find it hard to understand or do understand but have no self control nor desire to give up their way of doing things.

That’s why it’s so important for parents to set, keep and enforce boundaries to make it very clear who’s raising the children.

whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M

Personally I can remember how i was raised.. And hopefully I did better with my kids and I am now watching them do even better. So I still to being the cheer squad and bribing the grandchildren mercilessly. You know.. Grandparent stuff.😷

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@whowasthatmaskedman doing your part as a grandparent is great..but telling your children how to raise their kids is crossing the line.
Unless you feel it is detrimental. Like causing harm in the long-term.

whowasthatmaskedman · 70-79, M

@Mellowgirl Absolutely...I stick to an advisory role in private, on the few occasions i feel it can be helpful..But at best I am a facilitator..😷

JamesBugman

Sometimes parents can't see what they are doing wrong, they are in too close. Kind of like that boil the frog thing. Grandparents see the reality of what is happening.
You can choose to ignore it, or maybe think about the why before you do that.

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@JamesBugman in this instance she has her own agenda.
And it doesn't match with mine. End of!

Her time passed many years ago. Her youngest is 24. catch my drift.

JamesBugman

@Mellowgirl Yea, I understand. Some people are kind of coo-coo in that regard. Strange ideas that make zero sense. Just tell them to f-off. The reaction can be kind of comical.

smiler2012 · 61-69

@Mellowgirl 🤔maybe you think they are interferring but it also could be a case of good advice being offered from personal experience

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@smiler2012 honestly in this instance that is not the case, she is pushing her opinions and feelings on me.

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Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@LaurenRae also don't include all the information about the help she offers because it shouldn't be conditional.
If you asked and she agreed great. If she offered and wanted nothing in return great.

But her helping shouldn't mean you have to tow her line with parenting your own child.

Just my view on this.

LaurenRae · 22-25, F

@Mellowgirl you’re right thank you 🫶🏻

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@LaurenRae I fear sometimes my anger comes across as combative but actually it stems from a place where I feel really disrespected.
And if you feel the same, this can potentially ruin the relationship you have with your mother. @swirlie said it best about parents being banned.

I'm not for breaking families up. But healthy boundaries are essential.

MyNameIsHurl · 41-45, F

A lot of people think it's their parents job to raise their kids too

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@MyNameIsHurl well I can tell you one thing for free. That ain't me.

I wanted children and all it encompasses I don't want or need someone telling me what I should or should not be doing especially when I know they wouldn't have had anyone tell them when it was their time.

MyNameIsHurl · 41-45, F

@Mellowgirl I'm with you there

bijouxbroussard · F

Not usually. Generally the grandparents’ "job" is to spoil the kids—and then send them home. 😊

Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@bijouxbroussard that's what I thought but I have one grandparent who seems to think she gave birth to my child

swirlie · 31-35

That's also why many grandparents are banned from visitation! They shoot themselves in the foot when they never learn to keep their mouths shut and their child-rearing opinions to themselves.

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Mellowgirl · 31-35, F

@BuzzedLightyear I wouldn't say all. Just those that like to interfere.

BuzzedLightyear · 61-69, M

@Mellowgirl no, all of them over the age of 50

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