Someone saw Naya & told me "aww I love how her Mama did her hair"

& I was just thinking "but I did her hair. She hasn't seen her Mama today so she had nothing to do with it" 😅 But I didn't say anything. I think people just tend to assume only the Mama's do all that kind of stuff 🤷

People are always surprised to hear that I give my kid baths, I make her food, I do her hair, I pick her outfits, I change her diapers, I know her routines, stick to them, & I take her out places with me just the two of us. It's like people get surprised that I know how to take care of my kid on my own. There's so many people who assume that stuff is mainly a Mama's job & they seem surprised when they find out that I do a lot. I've had so many people tell me how their kid's dad doesn't do most of those things & even my sisters have expressed how much they appreciate that I do so much for my kid. I think it's sad that people even feel the need to thank me for that. The standard for fathers is a lot lower than the standard for mothers. So a father being a normal parent, is applauded. While a mother being a normal parent, is just expected. That's kinda sad

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Threepio

Sad but true.
Your write up very much reminds me of my own experiences earlier in life when I was the sole caregiver for my very young stepdaughter.
The assumption that fathers do little or nothing in the way of child raising is definitely prevalent in our society.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Threepio at least you did it. There's dad's who don't even know what it's like to be the sole caregiver. I'm glad that I did so much while me & her mama were still together because now that we're separated I still feel comfortable taking care of my daughter on my own. We're doing 50/50 so she's still with me half the time. I didn't wanna only have her a little bit I wanna actually raise my kid

ScreamingFox · 41-45, F

It is sad, but it's too often true. In my situation I do everything, my son's dad actually makes things harder for me.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@ScreamingFox yeah I think the fact that it's so common for the dad's to not do as much makes it to where it's almost expected by society. I hate that so many guys are like that. Especially in jail I couldn't count how many dudes talk about their kids like they were an afterthought. I can't relate. My kid's always #1 to me

SwampFlower · 31-35, F

It is really sad. My husband does so much for Iris and gets this shit from people. And I have women who get mad at me because my husband does so much lol.

I think it takes two to tango and decide to keep a baby, so both are equally responsible. And if there is situation where where one parent can’t provide as well (like in mine) you have to come up with an equitable solution. And people shouldn’t be so quick to comment on that.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@SwampFlower that's crazy that women get mad at you for that. You'd think they'd just be glad that he does so much because that's a good thing 🤷 I don't get it. & It definitely seems inconsiderate to comment on it especially in cases like yours.
But yeah I agree. I'm definitely not saying I do more than her mama does or she does more than me but we keep it equal. When we were together there were days she did more than me & there were days I did more than her. Like if one of us was tired or sick then we did extra on the other person's behalf so we never had to ask each other for help. We just saw something needed to be done, & we'd do it

bijouxbroussard · F

I remember overhearing something as a child. Mom was out running errands; my middle sister and I were playing in the backyard while Pop worked nearby in his garden. A neighbor peered over the fence, saying to him:
"Woman got you baby-sitting ?"

Pop straightened up, puzzled. "Baby-sitting ? These are my children. It’s just called being a "dad".

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@bijouxbroussard lol that's slightly humorous but yeah that's real. I've had people say the same to me before & I say the same thing 😅 weird how parenting sometimes gets called "babysitting" when it's a dad doing it

DeWayfarer · 61-69, M

Some are still stuck in the 1950 where father's don't do anything for babies.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@DeWayfarer the days when they just came home from work & still let the mama do everything all alone in the house 😅 yeah... It's sad that it's still super common

YoMomma ·

Social norms and assumptions..

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