The old me would be so depressed right now

I'd probably be drinking a lot, drowning out my emotions & failing at doing it successfully. I'd be wallowing in sadness because that's what I used to do. It felt pathetic but I couldn't help it. It feels so much better to go through this sober.

Right now I feel like I view things in a more mature way than I have before. I'm a lot more understanding & I know better than to let frustration get the best of me. I've grown a lot thanks to my kid & her mom. As much as I cared about my (now) ex & still do, it feels like a weight has been lifted. I expected to be falling apart inside but instead it feels like my broken pieces are coming back together.

As long as I can still raise my kid, I can be happy. Everything can be okay. It just sucks that everything has to change but I'd rather be separated & find our own happiness, then to both be sad, trying to raise a kid in a situation that just isn't working anymore. It's a conclusion I never saw myself coming to but I'm grateful I can be mature enough to accept it.

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ScarletWitch · 31-35, F

Im not as suicidal as i used to be. It feels like its underwater and i think abiut it sometimes but not all the time like i used to where i was pretty close to doing so. My depression has lifted but my scars on my face make me depressed. But thats more of a mental thing now. My real depression is in my physical health now. Im always in pain. My health is declining. I might look ok on the outside but on the inside i feel like im rotting inside. Only thing keeping me going is my significant other. (Hes changed so much and worked on himself. We dont fight. We dont have any issues. Its pure love and he makes me very happy.) And movies. I love movies, shows, tiktok. I would be so sad to miss all the good things to come. I feel its the purest of entertainment. Thats why i like to act for fun. It really drives me with passion. But old me has definitely changed. I was a bad person. I did bad things. I had a bad mind. Im no longer that person. And im happy with who i am now then what i was. Except my severe nicotine addiction. I need to quit that shit but i cant.

But also that Frontal lobe is real. It didn't hit me til I was 30. It really awakens in you.

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@ScarletWitch sounds like you've come a long way & you're still gonna go further. I remember you being down a lot of the time & it makes me happy to know you've overcome a lot of things & you're giving yourself credit for that. That's important too. Even focusing on the things you love is awesome because I feel like we all need something to look forward to in life. It's what keeps us going & gives us something to love for. No matter what it is.
I've seen your tiktoks a few times before when you posted some. I can tell you just love acting in them being happy makes you look more beautiful so that's awesome.

Nicotine is hard though. Any addiction is. Don't be too hard on yourself about it, it sounds like you could still get there someday