The old me would be so depressed right now

I'd probably be drinking a lot, drowning out my emotions & failing at doing it successfully. I'd be wallowing in sadness because that's what I used to do. It felt pathetic but I couldn't help it. It feels so much better to go through this sober.

Right now I feel like I view things in a more mature way than I have before. I'm a lot more understanding & I know better than to let frustration get the best of me. I've grown a lot thanks to my kid & her mom. As much as I cared about my (now) ex & still do, it feels like a weight has been lifted. I expected to be falling apart inside but instead it feels like my broken pieces are coming back together.

As long as I can still raise my kid, I can be happy. Everything can be okay. It just sucks that everything has to change but I'd rather be separated & find our own happiness, then to both be sad, trying to raise a kid in a situation that just isn't working anymore. It's a conclusion I never saw myself coming to but I'm grateful I can be mature enough to accept it.

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Dainbramadge · 56-60, M

Dang bro. I ain't been around lately but sounds like you and the ole lady are splitting?

If that is the case I got some words for you.

If that isn't the case, I just woke up and leave me alone. LOL

But seriously I am proud of you that you didn't jump right back into that bottle. At one time I would have in a flash because that was the self destructive reaction I had to everything. Probably fishing for pitty a little too. LOL

But what I think I can share with you that may make a huge difference in time is maybe give her a little space to unwind.
Wait. this is only good if it was her idea to split. LOL

Oh well still going to share. :-)

Some times distance really does make the heart grow fonder. If you love someone you make concessions for them that you wouldn't normally make for anyone.

Also you can have a fantastic relationship with your daughter even if your not there 24/7.
My ex fought like an animal, and still does today 14 years later, to come between me and my kids. But it doesn't work and we have a great thing going each with their own personal dynamic.
So if I read correctly and guessed correctly it can still remain as magical as it has been at least with your daughter.

I got all kinds of tried and true shit on this topic brother. LOL

But seriously congrats on not reverting to your old ways brother. It would have been easy and even understandable if you had. No one would have blamed you or called you weak even.

Just proof that you have grown as a man and have learned from your past rather than choose to repeat it. That is true growth in ways a lot of people would or could handle.

Sorry about the split, if that is what this was about. LOL

ChiefJustWalks · 26-30

@Dainbramadge yeah you guessed right on everything. It was her idea to split. I've been expecting it because it came close a few times & it already felt like she checked out. I've been trying to hang on but it's just been depressing a lot of the time that we're around each other. It got to the point that I felt like I was holding on to something she was already done with.
I try not to blame her. She already had depression & then we had a baby so post partum has been really hard on her. I wanted to be there for her & I did my best but after a certain point, there's nothing left I can do. It almost seems like she blames me for her mental health.. I've been feeling like a monster for so long & then I finally started to realize that I feel broken too. I couldn't take it anymore & I started breaking down. I started taking every precaution not to upset her & to avoid getting defensive or offensive whenever she was cold to me (which became every day). It got to the point where she would go to sleep for the night, & I'd stay up & just cry for hours, watching as much therapy stuff as I could to try to understand what was happening.

I appreciate you man I know you got a lot to share. I'm always open to hear you out on any topic but especially when it comes to dad stuff. I remember that's how we met years ago when I wasn't even a dad yet. Thanks a ton man, fr. I have no doubt in my mind that Naya & I will always have each other & always love each other. She's already so happy to see me all the time & she's always asking for me when I'm not around. Even her mama told me after we split up, that Naya asks for me every day.
I had to go pick up diapers so I left her with my stepmom & sister for 30min & they took a video of her all sad saying "dada" nonstop after I left 🥹 she makes me feel so loved

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