my mum is moody and stern with me at times

how can i cope with that? my mum lives far from me now and is elderly...she phones me 3x a day....and a lot of the time i just want her to mother me, but at times she has a stern and moody approach with me....i tend to talk to my mum about my worries, fears, my anxiety problems....and my mum is often understanding and motherly...but there's times she's not like that and is stern and moody with me..

i live alone now, lived alone 20 years in a little flat...so it gets me down when she's like that with me...as i just want to be understood and consolled when i'm going through it mentally.

any advice appreciated.

This page is a permanent link to the reply below and its nested replies. See all post replies »

swirlie · 31-35

What you and your mum have in common is a social disorder called "co-dependency".

For your mum to call you 3x a day, it will only get worse from here. Eventually those daily calls will number upwards of 20+ calls a day, one after the other, each time with nothing of relevance being said by either party.

Co-dependency means that you both suffer from a social addiction to each other which is actually your mum's fault, not yours. Parents are not suppose to covet their adult children, nor are adult children suppose to covet their parents.

The co-dependency trap your mum has lured you into for HER benefit, is causing you to remain small and ineffectual because remaining small and totally controllable is where she wants you to remain as if you were still a very small child.

I would say that most of your mental anxiety has been caused by your mum's imposition of her total dependency on you, even though it was completely unnecessary for her to do that TO you for the last 30 years.

My words offer no advice to you but they do at least bring awareness to your situation with your mum which is actually an extremely unhealthy relationship that you two have fostered between mother and son.