Has anyone been able to reconcile with estranged adult /teen daughters? What is your secret?

@LadyGrace I am sorry.
It can drive one mad.

@Justmeraeagain
If you let it, it definitely could. But I know I didn't deserve it so I'm not allowing it to take over my life. It's something I just can't help with this person. They're not willing to work on themselves. Even the therapist can't handle her. Nobody can. The best thing to do is to get away for your own safety because these people are capable of killing others. They get violent when they know that you know what game they're playing and they know they can't manipulate you. That's when they get bad. You have to stand up for yourself and not allow abuse because that's all it is. I will not be held emotionally hostage. No one should. Not ever.

@LadyGrace
I'm not convinced my son is a narcissist,he is mentally ill and paranoid.
Only you know what was best in your situation.

@Justmeraeagain
Oh absolutely but you must remember that narcissists are paranoid and mentally ill as well. I'm not trying to tell you what to do I'm just saying what has happened in my situation. When a person has to have their way all the time and makes you feel like you're walking on eggshells or they might get mad, that's a narcissist. I do hope you find a way to work things out with your son. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

@Justmeraeagain I watch these videos on YouTube about narcissists and one in which Dr Phil even talks about them. They are so helpful in helping to heal.

@LadyGrace I know the criteria for narcissistic behaviors ,it doesn't always mean the person is a narcissist,as they may have highly narcissistic traits without being one.

@Justmeraeagain Oh, absolutely. Narcissism exists on a spectrum, and some individuals may display certain narcissistic traits occasionally or in specific situations, while others may have a pervasive pattern of these traits that impacts their lives and relationships.

@LadyGrace Difficult no matter situation.

@Justmeraeagain Yes ma'am. ❤🫂🙏

@LadyGrace ❤

@Justmeraeagain

And no matter what, we always love them with all our heart, soul, and mine. That's a given. That's what makes this so hard and my heart totally goes out to you. You're a great mom.

@LadyGrace I'm not sure I'm a great mom, I tried, I can say that.
I made my mistakes, but so does everyone, do not believe I need to be continually bashed about the head over them.
I have never done so towards him.
He's got more maturity to gain.
My prayer is that he will one day.

@Justmeraeagain
You're so right honey. That's what my daughter tried to make me believe and that's why I watch videos on narcissists, even though I know them inside and out. They do tell you it's not your fault. The videos are very comforting and they let you know how these things can mess with your brain and how to deal with that. It does change your brain chemistry when you are so traumatized. They really ground you back to reality so that it doesn't mess with your mind. Sometimes they can really serve as a great reminder of what's really going on. I did have PTSD from it but the way you get out of that is to tell yourself the truth and the truth sets you free. It's definitely not your fault. I'm not saying he's a narcissist, but I know that's what my daughter does and tries with me. Narcissists always do. Telling you what a horrible mom you are and everything. I don't allow that, when I know it's not my fault and even Dr Phil said it's not the case. It's just about manipulation and control.

@LadyGrace He's never told me that ,he just is stuck up on one of my precived flaws and can't let it go.
I don't agree I have that particular flaw, even if I did, it's like gee whiz let it go already.
He's paranoid and needs a scapegoat,I guess.

@Justmeraeagain I'm so sorry honey. That's very hard to live with. Yes, people make mistakes. We all do and it's not good that people throw them up to us. That's the way we learn and grow. When we know better, we do better, and God doesn't want us condemning ourselves. He knows we make mistakes and he still loves us unconditionally.

@LadyGrace I agree.

@Justmeraeagain
One thing you could say is how would you feel if you made a mistake and I kept telling you about it? That forces them to reflect on how they are treating you. They can still come back with a mean answer though.

@LadyGrace
He won't take responsibility for his own part.
His dad has tried talking to him always has a reason for his anger

@Justmeraeagain
Yes that is often the case, sorry to say. There's really no reasoning with them.

@LadyGrace
I hope by pulling back he will see how much I have done for him and love him.
Might be a vein hope but time will tell, because I've never done this before even though I've been taking abuse for a while now.

@Justmeraeagain
That sounds like a smart plan. Dr Phil said we teach people how to treat us. Very smart of you. I hope it works. I think it will if you stick with it and I believe you will.

@LadyGrace I kind of feel there's not any other choice right now

@Justmeraeagain you're right sweetheart. That was really a smart move. And I would continue with that until he learns how you want to be treated.