Single parenting

I just dont know what to do... i feel like i cant save my kids..my life has been shit the last few years... iv been home for a bout a year struggling for childcare.. my son is autistic and i cant ha dle him by myself and hes only a toddler .. there have been times i thought of unaliving myself or just giving up my rights as a parent.. i know ill regret both... my bad decisions have put me in a hell and i have no family or support from anyone... no one calls me no one checks on me... nothing... my kids father are abusive .. i have someone coming to speak to me tomorrow and i have fallen behind with my health and even my sons health and i talk to my oldest child but its hard when ur mental is bad.. this program thats he has been trying to start... they have been trying to get me to start speech threapy for my kid and they have been a listening ear . Iv had multiple issues dealing with hra and my medicaid and childcare... i been going in circles and my mental health has been impacted so bad...so much... I am fighting this fight but i dont no how longer . I dont go outside enough to even find friends because i am so depressed and have no money ..only whatever to take care of myself and thats only 159 a month from welfare.. lord knows iv lost myself and im embarrassed everyday to be seen as a si gle parent struggling desperately ...i have no one ..i know this was my mustake for bringing children in the world ... i just thought i would have a family but i guess i deserve this... i just god will help me get out of this funk...