She is 10 years old

And has never had any family except me. No grandparents, no aunts nor uncles, no cousins, no siblings. Just an unwed mother that loves her more than anything in this fucked up world.

He denied her at birth until i forced him to take a test. He has another daughter a month older. He signed over all his parental rights in exchange for no responsibility, visitation, or support.

Now he has changed his mind. Or maybe his parents changed it for him.
He doesnt know what sports she plays, what her favorite color is, what she doesnt like to eat, or anything else about her except her birthday. He doesnt know that she looks like him. But acts like me, he is gonna hate that. He doesnt even know how to spell her name.

I have battled with myself over what to do. I even considered moving and changing my name. You know that it costs less than $100 to change your name.

But i cant deny her what i have not been able to provide her with. I cant deny her to have a chance at a normal life with a family. I cant deny her the chance to know her father.

I can only pray that he has changed. That he isnt the rude, spoiled, selfish dick that he once was. He will have limited, paid supervised visitation with her until i can trust him. I just hope that i am making the right decision.

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sylvsn59 · 61-69, M

Don't understand why you are denying your child contact with her biological father. Is it out of fear/jealousy/anger? you open with the fact that she has no family but she does..father/sister/grandparents. if he is of no danger to her it seems selfish to not allow it.

Musicman · 61-69, M

@sylvsn59 Simple. For 10 years he hasn't remotely cared about her or even attempted to be in her life. He signed away all of his rights just so he wouldn't have to pay child care. Now 10 years later out of the blue he shows up wanting full custody. Why??? What all of a sudden has changed? Has he got some new girl who wants children, but can't have them? What's changed?

sylvsn59 · 61-69, M

@Musicman again, if he is of no harm to her...physically, menatall, emotionally..what's the harm. (Assuming the child wants to see him/they..i wouldnt advocate forcing her)

Musicman · 61-69, M

@sylvsn59 If she wants to see him I have no problem with that, but to just demand full custody after no contact her entire life and signing away his parental rights so he wouldn't have to pay support. I have a huge problem with that. Now like I've said, if she wants to see him and him her then fine, but not full custody.

sylvsn59 · 61-69, M

@Musicman well i apologize, i m just not seeing anything about him wanting full custody, that would be absurd...not advocating for that.

Musicman · 61-69, M

@sylvsn59 That is what shocked me too. And wanting to give her visitation rights. She already has full custody. Why should she give all of that up. And why after 10 years of no contact is he so interested in her???

lissah · 36-40, F

@sylvsn59 @Musicman i have full custody. He has only seen her once on the day she was born. He tried to deny him being the father so the court did a DNA test and he is. He already had a kid with another woman and did not want to be bothered. So he gave up all his rights.

Now she is 10 years old and i receive a letter from his attorney and the court. He wants the decision reversed. He isnt asking for custody. He wants visitaion that will be supervised by the court. 4 hours every 2 weeks and he pays the visitation fee $50 hourly.

No i have no reason to be jealous or angry with him. It was his decision to not be in her life. I am the one who has cared and supported her since birth. He was never anything but a sperm donor to me. He wanted me to abort heer.

I dont kjnow why he has changed his mind after all this time.

wildbill83 · 41-45, M

@lissah how old is she?

sylvsn59 · 61-69, M

@lissah I won't repeat or belabor the points i've already made and I certainly can feel for you and the feelings you must have.
I keep seeing the question of why in many posts and I'm not sure why that matters unless it is for nefarious purposes. These issues are things he has to square away with his daughter, if not now then in the future of why he was invisible. I would caution you not to say these things to her about him especially about his wish to abort her. You run the danger of doing more harm to her then to him. She also may end up resenting you for denying her access to her 'family' and may cause damage to your relationship.
Another consideration is that it doesnt sound like her grandparents signed away any rights to see her and in most states they have rights as well not to mention a sister.
Courts will always side with biological family unless there is danger to the child (and sometimes they ignore that as well).
Good luck

ronisme1 · 61-69, M

@sylvsn59 she never denied him. He wanted nothing to do with the child. He didnt want to pay anything for her either. Maybe he found out about the tax deduction. Only time will tell

ronisme1 · 61-69, M

@lissah then if he wants visitation, you want child support and health insurance.

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