How does this work...

I have a nine month old baby girl and I'm trying to work this whole co parent thing with her dad this is his first baby and all he like to do is make arguments out of anything.
But one thing I'm having difficulty getting round is her saying to everyone I'm neglecting her because she not crawling or sitting I've told him babies development at different times she's doing fine but nope he's not happy with this. He's also saying I don't change her clothes which she is change one maybe twice a day not including after her bath.
So last week Tuesday he has his visitation which is 3 hours and he wants to take her shopping for some clothes bear in mind that day was so hot. I pick her up at 2pm before collecting my other 2 kids and he has her dressed in new clothes and it's a tracksuit a thick tracksuit and he's put socks on her she is wrapped in a blanket with her pram snuggly on top of that. The other two pairs of clothes are pj's thick ones too.
When I tell you my baby was sweating and red I stripped her down right there and put the dress I had spare in her bag.
Now for a guy who claims to have done 3 paid online courses on how to look after a baby and has a big family.
Am I over reacting to say he's a bloody idiot who doesn't care about his baby only for what he wants like really.
When I got her home she drank so much but she is fine.
Anytime I try give him a bit advice to help him I'm a manipulative person I'm a narcissist and mentally controling. I just want what's best for my daughter and this just isn't it at all he's been seeing her 6 months now

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seaglass · F

Supervised visits!

Oh, my gosh this gives me massive anxiety. I don't want to mention my worst fear... don't want to put it out there. Thank goodness you see he's not prepared to be a parent, at least not without another adult around, omg

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@seaglass it's supposed to be 3rd party support but because he don't get his own way he change everything it's supposed to be either his mum as 3rd party or my mum. But his mum works and he's making threats that if she turns up he will call the police he keeps changing things all the time. He's shouted at her once too

seaglass · F

@MiraRoss We're in different countries, but maybe you have some type of mediation services... someone who can officially step in to stop him making a mess of everything, endangering your daughter and making it hard for you to be a good mom. You need support to raise your baby/children, but you're gonna need support dealing with him too. I really hope you can get a 3rd party not related to either you to mediate. Your ex sounds very immature, like he sees the baby as an accessory. I'm sure he loves his child but the child is more important than him right now

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@seaglass I raised my two other kids by myself while in a relationship with there dad left him when they was 1 and 3 I don't need help to raise my 3rd.i just wanted no I hoped he would be different and step up but I was wrong it's not good for her if he's gonna be like this

seaglass · F

@MiraRoss Well, I didn't mean to insinuate you need help from him. That would be a waste of my time. He's just gonna add to your workload. And I hope you do have the basic support of friends and family. You sound like a good mom to me

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@seaglass I have my mum siblings and few friends to help. I try not to let him get to me but when it involves my kids wellfair I'm done being nice but no one cares he shows up makes him a good dad that's all anyone cares about

seaglass · F

@MiraRoss If it's any consolation, his type becomes hard to find after the novelty wears off and the weight of responsibility gets heavier... usually. I'm glad you're not like him. Glad your kids have you and you have your circle of people. I wish you so much luck, but you're smart and, hopefully, won't need it

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@seaglass that's what people keep saying but is that before or after my daughters mental help is in decline when it's her life in ruins because of him

seaglass · F

@MiraRoss Refuse to leave her alone with him. Don't be afraid to upset people about it. It will happen, him not being around... believe me, unless he goes through a massive mental growth spurt

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@seaglass I myself can't be there because he makes problems that's why the 3rd party is in place it's supposed to be his mum or my mum but he's elevated that now aswell he won't agree to a 3rd party now

seaglass · F

@MiraRoss There has to be some recourse of the 3rd party thing, unless this is something you and he agreed to without the benefit of legal counsel and court documents.

MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@seaglass this was done through court and he agreed to it so he's going against the court we have to go back next month so it will be raised

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MiraRoss · 31-35, F

@seaglass as many situations especially if he's getting agitated he could shake her to her next life and yes she could of ended up in hospital if he had longer with her.
I found out after all this time him seeing her he wants a dna test doing. He's doing all this to piss me off make me mentally unstable but it's not gonna work I'm much stronger than I use to be

seaglass · F

@MiraRoss Yes, you said it... and even if you warn him of what it could bring, he obviously doesn't listen about her. One day in the future he might be more capable, but she's so vulnerable right now. I'd get the test, I'd refuse to let her be alone with him and try to document every time he ditches the 3rd party. I'd not be able to not show up if I knew he was alone with her at her age now. I'm glad you're not letting him distract you into anger. That's so important