I wish I had a family so I could die and my son wouldn’t have no one,

Since we have no one, I just live in this pain for him. It’s so frustrating. I love him so much, I would never leave him. I don’t know which would ruin his life more, me dying or me raising him alone never being enough.

I have tried EVERYTHING. I miss my Mom, she would of hugged me at least, even if she was still in the dementia ward, she knew who I was. But thankfully she doesn’t have to suffer anymore. She just left me with this mess. I couldn’t do that to my sweet boy.

Suffering for him is worth living for I guess.

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Justenjoyit · 61-69, M

Time goes quick before you know it he will be grown up. He needs you so stay stong and hang in there.

RebelFox · 36-40, F

@Justenjoyit I’m never going to leave him. I just want a way out of this pain.

Justenjoyit · 61-69, M

@RebelFox Pain that you need someone?

RebelFox · 36-40, F

@Justenjoyit I don’t think many people understand that I do not get any breaks. Now he doesn’t want to go to his dads at all. I don’t stop and when I do, shit doesn’t get done, that shit piles up. And this house is a nightmare 😆 Every facet of my life is empty of compassion and full of pain. and this is not the life I tried to build. Sure I have stuff, but that’s never what I wanted. I’ve worked SO hard on myself, I’ve done all I can so my son has a beautiful life, and somehow ended up dog shit. All I gave, doesn’t mean anything. There is no love for me. Tbh I feel better having pushed everyone away so it’s not so confusing.

In short, yeah, I want to be loved and I want someone to hug. I don’t think that’s much to ask, but it evades me and instead I get pain. I’m so tired. I’m so close to the edge. I’m the one holding myself back because I’d never leave my son. But I don’t believe there’s any way out of this. I’m unloveable.

Justenjoyit · 61-69, M

@RebelFox I can give you a virtual hug

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