This is a really interesting question, but also a difficult one to answer. I want to answer it though.
I became pregnant 3 years ago when I was 19. In fact, this time 3 years ago I was just a couple weeks from finding out about my pregnancy. It was strange because at first I felt excited...but then a week or so later I started to feel doubtful, and I felt confused too. This is to the extent that only my boyfriend knew about my pregnancy for a long time, literally until I started showing and half of it was over. I had strongly considered getting an abortion but, for whatever reason, couldn't go through with it. Now I am very much against abortion. At the time I didn't know or understand what the reason was. At 20 weeks (a month before I told people) I was feeling my baby start to move. I was aware, and something was happening. It was a slow process for me though. I had told myself that I wouldn't bond with him, and that I'd probably be a horrible parent.
He was due in April 2020, and by February of that year I had started buying clothes and other essentials for him. That seemed to signify some change and I began to be more interested. Some very devastating events happened in my family, which made it a more complicated time for me. When I gave birth to my son, I felt empty...lost, bewildered and I couldn't fully grasp what had happened. I felt like I was in another universe, or just not in this realm. I persevered and did the things you are supposed to do, though.
Anyway, we were coming home from the hospital when I felt this overwhelming sense of concern about people driving behind us as I thought that if we got into an accident, it would hurt my son who is just a tiny baby. As I was sat in the back with him, I kept looking for other cars.
The next time I felt similar feelings was when I gave him his first bath at home. I thought the water was too cold, then too hot, and it concerned me deeply. When I did bring him out of it, I couldn't wait to put clothes back on him again in case he got cold. From there, it still took time for me but I got more and more, and more attached to him. I started to feel how a mom would feel.
With my daughter, this has really been magnified. From the time I found out about her I was extremely attached and very ready. I cried when I gave birth to her, and I find myself constantly worrying about her. With both of my children, it feels like my heart beats for them. They are everything to me, and bring so much joy. They make me feel like there is hope for myself, and there is this strong inclination to avoid the bad and pursue the good...for them.
