Does one need parents in their life?

I've got a father who is continually judgmental and also, possibly bi-polar without taking any medication or seeing any psychiatrist. My mother is better, but also sensitive and too overly-cautious (sometimes, even too negative).

They have good hearts, but as parents, it seems like they are not good. They help me with financial issues when they arise, but it feels like one of those abusive relationships, ya know? Where there are too many mental issues clouding what the emotions are.

I guess I am trying to ask is if do I have to be in touch with them for the rest of their lives? I am the only child and I know what I am asking, I'm just frustrated and feeling like every time I am around them, I am not my best self.

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greenmountaingal · 80-89, F

You will be legally (and I would say morally) responsible for them and in charge of them if/when they, or one of them, become too old to manage on their own. Get ready to deal with it yourself personally or make enough money to be able to hire a good caretaker and then supervise the caretaker.

Otherwise, I would advise emotional distance. Learn to see their worst behavior as cable sit com material. Wilbury's post is good advice if you can manage it. Remember, someday in the future, it is very likely you will become their parents.

firefall · 61-69, M

UH ... I dont know anywhere outside Japan where you're legally responsible for your parents. Morally & ethically, definitely, but I dont recall any law enforcing it.

greenmountaingal · 80-89, F

@firefall: When I was going through the hell of dealing with my crazy elderly parents, I learned something about this.(I was an only child with divorced parents in 2 households and I had no money. For the details about my bizarre family background, you can read my story under: I Am Angry ).

The LA Times followed a case of a young woman who left her father in his wheelchair at a dog race, then went back to the home they were sharing. Her father had been repeatedly verbally and physically abusive to her throughout her life. After a jury trial, the judge sentenced her to five years in prison.

The case sparked a much longer article in the LA Times about people in difficult situations with aging parents. The article said that the laws of the State of CA mandated that you had to take care of your aging parents or make arrangements for their care. It stated that most states had such laws in place.

firefall · 61-69, M

@greenmountaingal: huh, interesting, thanks

greenmountaingal · 80-89, F

@firefall: Best of luck. I do know about difficult parents. The decisions are never easy.

firefall · 61-69, M

@greenmountaingal: oh mine died a while ago (and in another country), I mercifully don't need to be personally concerned

LysanderFremont · 36-40, M

@firefall: Sorry to read that, from the both of ya. It must've been a tough decision but I am learning that with parents it is almost like being in a relationship(and the correlation that who you date matches somewhat of who your parents are like is upsetting my stomach).

Learning what the signs are when someone is abusive to you or when they are being genuine, things like that.

But I will take that legally binding bit a look. Thank you for sharing, greenmountaingal.