I don’t know if there’s any one “normal” reaction to this kind of loss.
When my mother died (2 1/2 years ago), immediately around that time, I just felt exhausted. Right after we got back from the funeral, I fell asleep on the couch for several hours.
Emotionally, my first noticeable reaction was anger, and that really surprised me. I was angry that this had happened. I was just so angry at the event, and (probably a good thing) I couldn’t point the anger at any person, because there was absolutely no one who contributed to my mom’s death. She just got sick, and it was an unusual enough form of cancer that the doctors didn’t have a lot of past information to draw from. Even at the time I honestly believed the doctors tried their best. My dad loved her and gave her the best of care. So there was no person I could feel angry at - but I was furiously angry at the situation. I remember coming here to SW and posting a question, wondering if it’s normal to feel anger when someone has died.
Then for about the next year, I was physically sick, first with flu and then with pneumonia.
This is what happened with me. I wish I could tell you that there’s a predictable way that you’ll be feeling, and maybe the stages of grief could be a useful thing to look at.
But I do suspect that people’s reactions to losing someone can vary from person to person.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know it hurts.
