a person's personality is basically a set of strategies to respond and fulfill our needs. every kid is a scientist testing behaviors and carefully taking notes of which leads to a result and which doesn't and when we get older these strategies become who we are. hopefully, our surroundings and family will respond to us in a way similar to how adult life will respond to us and then these strategies that we developed as kids will work in the "real" world and we will be well adapted individuals. now, about you and your kid, every time you let her have her way when she is acting in a way that is selfish and socially unacceptable she is learning from this that this behavior works so she will continue to use this strategy. it is really not a service to you or her to do this because it will prevent her from developing temperance and awareness of others and encourage personality traits that people in the "real" world will not like and she will find it hard to make friends. First thing to teach her, by actions more than words, is that fits get no result, she MUST think that fits don't work so she can abandon this strategy and learn that being considerate, patient and aware of other peoples needs DOES work. She is not an adult and should not be judged for these behaviors, simply create a environment and a relationship with her where bad behavior doesn't get results so that her "inner scientist" writes off these behaviors as not efficient and useless.
