Is my mum right or is she just being selfish?

The short story is I've got an 8 year old kid (yes I'm 22 you do the maths) and my parents have raised her since she was born. But we always agreed I'd have her back when I could. Well now I have a good job and a lot of savings and a two bedroom flat not far from my parents house but my mum doesn't want me to take her. She puts off the conversation and constantly says "you can have her when she turns 13". She thinks she's funny but seriously I just want her back now. She's my kid and I've worked hard to get to this point just so I can have her and be her mum but my mum won't even let me tell her I'm her real mum. I don't want to wait until she's older and I think it'd be easier for her to adjust now but my mum disagrees and now I don't know what I should do >_<

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Miram · 31-35, F

The child has the right to know and contribute to the decision. Your mother did well by helping you but she ll have to be willing to step out once you are ready to parent her yourself. Where is your father in this? And does your mother question your ability? Lot of helpful details isn't mentioned.

SophW77 · 26-30, F

@Miram My dad doesn't want to take sides. She thinks I'm too young and says there's no point me having her when she's fine where she is

Miram · 31-35, F

@SophW77 The child will feel betrayed bécause she was never told before. I don't understand the reasoning behind keeping this a secret from her durring her childhood? Was it because of the stegma?

Your father is the only person besides you two that can judge your character adequately. This shouldn't be an emotional matter for him. His silence is an indication that it is so for your mother and she is not deciding rationally.

Keep insisting on your mother to have a discussion with the child asap. There is no point in waiting till she is 13 if you have the means to raise her; the financial stability and the maturity.

What the child finds more comfortable is what matters most.

SophW77 · 26-30, F

@Miram My parents wouldn't let me keep her, they gave me the choice between letting them raise her until I could support her by myself or giving her away. They say they didn't want my education to suffer or for me to ever feel trapped by it.

Miram · 31-35, F

Just because you couldn't keep her it doesn't mean they have the right to lie to her. She will feel betrayed for years to come. She may forgive them eventually. I agree with the person who suggested therapy. Don't plan to keep the truth from her though. Even if it was decided to let her live with your parents