CLEAR Communication. Including but not limited to these: Respect of her. Respect of Self. Never lose RESPECT element, please. Communication of your rules/Boundaries. Reasonable and age appropriate Consequences. Consistency. Kindness. Therefore : Trust will be earned by both of you. Repeat.
No violence ever. That will demonstrate some things: 1- You are a bully and difficult situations CAN and ought to be dealt with pain, intimidation and fear. 2-Also that you are NOT a safe person you can never be trusted. She will maybe turn to some *bad* influences.
So, thereby THAT will crate one of two kinds of humans: 1- A bully who in fact also has low self esteem.
2- A child with low /no self esteem who will potentially have issues due to the physical abuse. A victim.
And it IS abuse. Any Neanderthal who things that there is a place for PHYSICAL ABUSE OF KIDS perhaps needs to be monitored carefully: How human is this human being? But I feel there is no middle ground in my mind because to condone this is inhuman. PERIOD.
Yeah! Littlest KIND things in life mean a lot to me.
And THIS HERE TOPIC Q (the implications and ramifications of that, as it pertains to ME, my family my child(ren):
THAT kind of parenting I CAN NOT STRESS ENOUGH: THIS HAS SHAPED ME, FORGED ME. AND HAS, FOR THE BETTER OR WORSE, Has shaped me into the person I am.Into the parent I have become and still am becoming :) Has shaped the with regards to my parenting: Decisions I have made and incorporated diametrically opposing methods to how my parents raised me.
So glad, that in life nothing is ever permanent. Not really. Only the things that really matter: LOVE, and all that organically flows from that. Those are things ETERNAL. All else vanishes.
And I must concede: Generally, unless the people; are actual sociopaths/psychopaths: Parents DO have our best interests at heart even if they do beat us, yell at us and in general make us feel like *shit floating in a sewer*. yeah. I have that ingrained in my mind. Words form one of my parents.
You see..THEY were raised that way. They lived though a war!!! They did what they thought was best.
The more I grow (read:LEARN) age and parent (sometimes, that is wisdom ;) 😁😀 ) I am able to forgive them.
hi Valentine Applaud her spirit. Buy her The Female Brain by Louanne Brizendene. Tell her it is a user manual. Offer challenging environments - she sounds bored. Best wishes :)
hi Valentine haha Derek Halpenny, European head of global markets research at financial firm MUFG, the pound over the last five trading days “is by some distance the worst performing” of the 10 most heavily traded currencies in the world. Best wishes :)
Regarding this book:Barbara Coloroso's powerful message is that good parenting begins with treating kids with respect.
It means giving them a sense of power in their own lives, and offering them opportunities to make decisions, take responsibility for their actions, and learn from their own successes and mistakes.
Rejecting the "quick fix" solutions of punishment and reward, she uses everyday family situations from sibling rivalry to teenage rebellion to demonstrate sound strategies for giving children the inner discipline and self-confidence that will help them grow into responsible, resourceful, and resilient adults.
Discover:
• Three basic tenets to a good parent/child relationship • Why discipline is not learned through threats and bribes • Why teaching a child how to think instead of what to think builds self-confidence • The good news about the strong-willed child • Three alternatives to always saying "No"• How to buffer your children from the dangers of sexual promiscuity, drug abuse, and other self-destructive behavior• Using mealtime, bedtime, toilet-training, chores, allowance, and sibling rivalry as opportunities to help children develop their own sense of inner discipline.
The behavior has to broken and reformed rather than enabled. It's a straightforward solution, but it does take a certain sort of deftness and mindset. Don't allow it to perpetuate, deny control(don't respond emotionally to the outbursts, stay calm and controlled) and punish the behavior(restriction can be an effective method for this) then enforce the better behaviors. (Usually done through a reward system of some kind, possibly reinstatement of the restricted items and then some small gifts of some kind after that)
Kids will test you. That's what they do ! And those approaching the dreaded teen years, more so !
You have to develop an understanding of how they think and realize you'll never make them go ...."OH....NOW i get it !"
You develop 'stock phrases'. 'I don't say this stuff to annoy you, i say this stuff to explain to you...' "If you continue with this line of behaviour. Here's what will happen......." "Take responsibility for the things you do and say".....etc.
@Picklebobble2 Morning my friend. There is a context here you are closer than most to knowing - daughters of the groom. Early days, and I'm well up to help, but wondered if there was any wider view to be had. And, it makes for a good Q too perhaps. Take care Mr Picklebobble. (Why are you No2? There can't have been a No1, surely?! LOL)
From my ex wife I know when my daughter was going through the 11 YO stage of throwing a temper tantrum every time she wanted to get her own way , It took me five times to get her shed of that habit , I placed her in her room on a long time out and said Let me know when your done so we can talk like human beings , about every 30 minutes I would open her door and say " Are we done yet " Then close the door if her tantrum went on , in time there were no further Tantrums .
SW-User
Depends who the girl is??? Daughter, sister, stranger?
I am am hyper vigilant bc of my various abuses and traumas. I did not sense any nonsense(creepiness) in your Q. Raised no red flags. (However, in my favour is that I knew you from THAT place. So I sense you are a moral person. My intuition is strong.)
(Maybe if I was in her shoes , I'd say the same. Who can tell...)
You are entitled to not divulge what you chose not to.
And, to your credit: You DID explain what is the issue at hand.
@SW-User remember that your child seeks the priviledge to be an adult and make individual decisions. I would recommend NOT immediate and inescapable punishment, because the child will not wish to offer cooperation in return for the entrapment. Set clear rules and warm them of the penalties and talk to them and get them to reason with themselves and express logically how they are right. If they refuse to discuss things like a mature adult, after you made it clear that you are treating them as an adult and really will give them freedom to CHOOSE to behave responsibly, take away priviledges and ask them how they think they should be punished.
Provoking thought is one of the best ways to build reflection on character
@TheProphet You obviously believe what you are saying, and I can only hope that you can listen to other points of view. I have posted another Q about this and your comment - I will post it here again. I hope you reconsider your view, sir. This is a true account:
To the 30+ year old man who bawled at his 10 year old son for 2+ minutes out loud on the beach and then slapped him round the head, hard. His only 'crime' was to inadvertently trip over his baby sister.
"Sir, you will probably never ever get to see this message, but my blood boiled and my heart sank to see what you did to your very own blessed son today. You will never read this, but another father tempted to do the same, just might, so I will try to explain to you, the error of your ways.
You see, sir, there is only one thing left after 'beatings' - and that - is 'double-beatings' - and neither of them have any merits or bear any fruit. They just evaporate any self-belief and confidence in a growing spirit that you, sir, are breaking, bit by bit by bit with every word you shout and every hand you raise.
And unfortunately, in your case, you will no doubt be surprised to see, in not so many fast speeding years, that same son, beat his own son, your cherished grandson.
And you will hang your head in sorrow and shame. For it will be too late.
@Valentine There is a difference between spanking and beating or humiliating your child. I punished my children and they turned out well just as me and my siblings did. We didn't abuse or humiliate our children, but we did spank and punish them when needed.
@TheProphet Yes, it may have seemed a useful resource at the time, and even now you defend having it in your tool box. I will admit, I was tempted to do the same at one time in I my early life, but, I rejected it, and I found a better way. I assure you it worked (I think)(and so do my lovely kids).
