When my 8 y/o is handed back to her mum, hugs and waves for me mean everything

It means I'm succeeding at being the best dad I can for her in the trying circumstances of being a pair of seperated single parents.

She still gives me lots of unscripted hugs.

It's sad when she goes back to her mum, but I know it means my time for a little break for a day or two then back into work for the next week before seeing her again.

I could not put all that aside to have an adult romantic relationship again, and it would be next to impossible to find a 50+ woman accepting of my situation. I couldn't date anyone much younger as I'd be labelled as a creep for dating a 'significantly younger' woman, whether or not she has her own kids.

There's a big stigma in the 'manosphere' about single dads dating single mums, but there's an even bigger stigma on the 'womanosphere' about single mums dating single dads.

I still much prefer to be the 'invisible man' in social situations.

My daughter asked me a few days ago why I don't have any friends like her mum does and a lot of socialising, etc.. I just said it's because I'm 'different'. She understands as far as I can tell.

Top | New | Old

Sutten · 36-40, F

You’re clearly a steady, present dad, and those hugs and waves show your daughter feels safe and loved with you — that matters more than anything.
It also sounds like you’re carrying a lot of isolation and assuming your situation disqualifies you from friendship or future relationships. That isn’t necessarily true, even if it feels that way right now. Your life may be different, but it isn’t closed.
Your daughter noticing your lack of friends is also important. “I’m different” is honest, but you could gently add something like: “My life is a bit quieter right now, but I’m still building it.” It keeps things truthful without sounding final.
You don’t have to shrink your whole identity to “just dad” or “invisible” to be a good father. Connection and support for you would actually strengthen what you’re already giving her — but do it at your own pace, when you’re ready. 🌻

plinkplonk · F

I think there are a lot of women, in your exact situation, who would love to have a blended family with you. Life is difficult, it's nice to be able to share in the struggle ... when you are ready.

I guy I dated in high school. He got married, had a kid, got divorced and waited 6 years before dating. He found a woman who was 7 years younger and had kids his daughters age. They dated for a year and then he found out he had brain cancer and died 3 years later. You have no idea what life has in store for you.

Add a comment...