You’re in a tough spot with no easy answers.
I can understand your daughter, having just gone through some major changes, wanting to stick close to you as she adjusts to her new home. She might also appreciate the quiet time while the boys are away. I can also understand her reluctance to bond with any kind of mother figure as she’s still trying to cope with the trauma caused by her own mother’s abandonment. Obviously Joel’s ex is not trying to replace her mother but I’d imagine it’s still gotta be a very sensitive issue. Risking getting close to and trusting this woman when her own mother couldn’t stay in her life and how painful that surely continues to be- it’s a lot to expect.
Maybe you and Joel could do a date night or a hotel overnight while Star stays with her. Might take some creativity but you two seem to communicate with each other very well so I’m sure something can be worked out.
I can understand your daughter, having just gone through some major changes, wanting to stick close to you as she adjusts to her new home. She might also appreciate the quiet time while the boys are away. I can also understand her reluctance to bond with any kind of mother figure as she’s still trying to cope with the trauma caused by her own mother’s abandonment. Obviously Joel’s ex is not trying to replace her mother but I’d imagine it’s still gotta be a very sensitive issue. Risking getting close to and trusting this woman when her own mother couldn’t stay in her life and how painful that surely continues to be- it’s a lot to expect.
Maybe you and Joel could do a date night or a hotel overnight while Star stays with her. Might take some creativity but you two seem to communicate with each other very well so I’m sure something can be worked out.
Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M
@OlderSometimesWiser you're right. she still struggles with the fact that her mother left her, without saying goodbye or even trying to reach out to her in two years. She still thinks it's her fault she left because of her needs.
i know it bothers her that she is close to Star but she's known Star her whole life. They grow up together. Even though Star is older she would always hang out with her, do her hair stuff like that. So she trusts her and she knows Star isn't going to leave her.
I just wasn't expecting Joel to take it like he did. I know a night out would be nice and I think we need it but if I made her go I'd worry the whole time she'd get upset or have a panic attack. I just think she needs time. But she may never trust her. Who could blame her
I do know she would be okay Staying home with Star over night. So that is a good idea. She did the night Joel was in the hospital. I think if I talked to her about she would be ok. She also needs more time. This was thrown at her very last minute and she doesn't do charges well. We're working on it but that's a big change.
I just hate that he went to bed upset.
i know it bothers her that she is close to Star but she's known Star her whole life. They grow up together. Even though Star is older she would always hang out with her, do her hair stuff like that. So she trusts her and she knows Star isn't going to leave her.
I just wasn't expecting Joel to take it like he did. I know a night out would be nice and I think we need it but if I made her go I'd worry the whole time she'd get upset or have a panic attack. I just think she needs time. But she may never trust her. Who could blame her
I do know she would be okay Staying home with Star over night. So that is a good idea. She did the night Joel was in the hospital. I think if I talked to her about she would be ok. She also needs more time. This was thrown at her very last minute and she doesn't do charges well. We're working on it but that's a big change.
I just hate that he went to bed upset.
YoMomma ·
You could have asked her if she wanted to go instead of just saying no for her
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