I Am Afraid Being a Bad Mother
Spitting Image:
As a child, every time I looked at my mother, I swore I'd never turn into her. She was a good person, but a horrible mother. And for that reason, I am afraid of being a bad mother... So much that I highly consider never having kids at all.
I remember my mother well. I remember the things she said and the things she did. I remember the example she set for me and I remember the way I regarded her...
I had no respect for her at all. Only contempt. Only disgust. She was everything I swore I'd never be.
I convinced myself that I would never be like that; that I would be a better mother than she could ever dream to be. But there's no guaranteeing that, is there?
Every day I find myself understanding her better and better - because every day I feel myself turning into her more and more. Though I am no longer fighting it. I have come to realize that my mother was actually a beautiful person... she just wasn't meant to be a mother - And neither am I.
I am the spitting image of my mother and for that reason, I'm afraid I'll be a bad mother. But perhaps I can learn from my mother's mistake, and never have children to disappoint to begin with.
As a child, every time I looked at my mother, I swore I'd never turn into her. She was a good person, but a horrible mother. And for that reason, I am afraid of being a bad mother... So much that I highly consider never having kids at all.
I remember my mother well. I remember the things she said and the things she did. I remember the example she set for me and I remember the way I regarded her...
I had no respect for her at all. Only contempt. Only disgust. She was everything I swore I'd never be.
I convinced myself that I would never be like that; that I would be a better mother than she could ever dream to be. But there's no guaranteeing that, is there?
Every day I find myself understanding her better and better - because every day I feel myself turning into her more and more. Though I am no longer fighting it. I have come to realize that my mother was actually a beautiful person... she just wasn't meant to be a mother - And neither am I.
I am the spitting image of my mother and for that reason, I'm afraid I'll be a bad mother. But perhaps I can learn from my mother's mistake, and never have children to disappoint to begin with.
31-35, F