just venting because i am so hurt

I am so tired but grateful.. i hope my heart will heal, when my sons dad left he told me i was making him a deadbeat , i reached out to him bc i needed help. Then he proceeds to say he would start all over bc if we arent in a relationship he doesnt need to be in our sons life. When he left he spoke so badly on my son and kept looking back at me saying horrible things that i couldnt hear but he muttered.. These words have burned in my mind bc i was in that moment first hand hearing what a deadbeat parent sounds like... and looks like. I knew he had issues butfor him to say that, it opened my eyes to evil pure evilness .. If i had chose to move him in i would subject myself to arguments everyday and beatings. so now i know its hoing to be a tough journey as a sole provider bc it has been... iv been keeping my head above water and to see no one on my side is gut wrenching... i cant trust anyone.. i know it time to change and i pray god will show me the blueprint bc i know things can get better .