I Want to Be In a Healthy Loving Relationship

@Faust76 I dunno.. i think the thing you posted has been a better description of the guys in my 20’s than most of the women. Back then I thought I had to put up with it in order to be a ‘chill girl’. Knowing what I do now, I wouldn’t give that manipulative bs the time of day ever again lol

@SW-User I didn't specify a gender into that, but you asked about guys so that's what I was answering. xD I think both genders do that to some degree. Depends kinda what the "things considered inappropriate with friends" is, if it was a guy that'd just say FWB, if it's a girl, that would be getting groceries off the top shelf or something inappropriate like that.

But sociological & epidemiological studies support what most people seem to feel, more women go for the same few guys sleeping with everyone than men do. I guess people will say "yeah that's called having standards", but that's only true if those standards don't include sleeping with everyone. xD All this translates poorly into individual level practice, but yeah... men who stick to one partner are almost certain to be disappointed, and women would fare better if they didn't collectively encourage that behavior.

@Faust76 I guess that’s my shortcoming. When it comes to getting involved with someone I’m not so utilitarian. 😂 I mean, sure, 5 different guys paying for dinner distributed throughout the week is better than one guy who pays for the occasioal dinner, but I’m not after ‘perks’.be they monetary, sexual, assistive etc lol...

As for the ‘girls like men who have been with more women’ there’s probably some truth to that. I dont have the numbers in front of me, but I do recall reading about how historically speaking, when there are more men than women in the populace values lean more conservational, whereas when there are more women than men, values tend to lean more sexually liberal . (Neither scenarios are ‘for my benefit’, but are philosophical shifts to re-examine my usefulness as a resource lol.. 😂😭😂)

I do agree that my fellow women really need to stop enabling this crap

@SW-User "Mate Choice Copying in Humans: a Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis" Amany Gouda-VossosEmail authorShinichi NakagawaBarnaby J. W. DixsonRobert C. Brooks found, from huge amount of different studies in different circumstances etc. that "Women were more likely to rate male targets as more desirable when presented alongside a female while no obvious effects were detected with male choice."

Which is a dense way to say that all other things being equal women (generally) prefer a man who already has a partner, because they trust the other woman's judgement on his quality (Kinda reasonable except it goes horribly wrong, lol) or even feeling that only a prize they have to compete for is worth having (Obviously wrong). I should note that studying this is still difficult because you can't really make an equivalent comparison in a "real situation".

I didn't really say ‘girls like men who have been with more women’, that's a bit meh idea. There is certainly some preference for experience both via conscious choice of not wanting a fumbling newbie, and more so via more sexually experienced guys *usually* having more confidence and going what sweet nothings will work. But there's lots of contradictions and confusions in what we actually want, so even as a generalization...

@Faust76 what you’re saying makes sense, but I’m not sure it aligns with the most common, casual dating practices since the unspoken rule is to (at least if you’re not a total douche) agree that whatever arrangement is noncommittal, without ever specifying if you are seeing more people, unless you are also being physical with those people, and (more often a scenario women find themselves in than men, though not exclusively) may at some indiscernible moment months in ‘become committal’, but another unspoken rule is that the woman is not supposed to bring up this topic. lol.
unless the assumption the man is seeing multiple women is enough for the woman to dub them instinctually desirable I suppose?

@SW-User Oh yeah, depends on the form of dating, certainly on online dating sites unless it's that kind one, nobody writes "Oh by the way you're going to be my side-hoe, so best be okay with that". xD

And I can at most tell how I do it, but trying to understand how you've written the unwritten rules gives me at most a headache. o.O If anything, experience and practice suggests there's no unwritten rules, at least ones everyone follows. I've seen people do all sorts of crazy stuff.

But your question seems to specify just that sort of situation, where by whatever way you "know" they're dating multiple people and "keeping their options open". I'm not saying this is necessarily wrong if no-one is lied to or given false promises, but it's certainly not for everyone. If guys can get away with this far into the relationship, most will probably do so.

And yeah, intuition is a big thing though often wrong, and the stuff I already said about how different guys who already have a girl behave. Unfortunately a lot of that behavior also correlates with what women say they want from men, ie. confident, laid-back, not horny or jealous, giving them space, keeping busy etc. I'm not saying most of those are bad things, but they're a lot easier when someone is just an option.