well the unexpected happened

Losses like this are like earthquakes. Sudden and unexpected, and the world you just lived in yesterday has changed dramatically. It’s tough to deal with, but I am completely sure that your loved ones, alive or dead, want you to learn from it, to learn how to handle grief (which usually gradually becomes an empty ache) and joy. Yes, those two can coexist. You can honor those who were important to you and still be happy. Not happy, maybe, the way you were before, but happy just the same.

I strongly recommend you look for support groups to help you through it. If the first one doesn’t fit, find another. They are online and in real life.

My deep sympathies for your losses. When the pain eases a bit, think about why you loved them, and try to be the sort of people they were. That is their most valuable gift to you.