Today is my father's birthday.

He's been gone for years and I have never felt his energy or anything about him except just wondering what was wrong with him. I have some good guesses being a psychology nerd. Every year around this year I seem to have my worst rut before spring breaks. I don't know if this correlates to him or not. I noticed it when I was about 18. How am I supposed to feel about a person who was never there for me? He didn't care if I was safe. He went around making pretty babies he didn't care shit about. It was all about him. And I wonder what happened to him to make him that way.
As a kid I used to dream him into my graduations that he missed. I used to dream he was normal so he could save me from the hell my mother had me in.
But he wasn't . So all I can give him for his birthday is the grace of forgiveness and at least remembering him today.

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TinyViolins · 31-35, M

They call it "sins of the father" for a reason. Kids of dysfunctional adults always end up being the ones to pay the price. Sorry you were dealt that hand in life. I know what that's like

It's not much of a consolation, but I find great motivation in knowing that all their stupid, selfish impulses end with me. To be the one with the strength to break the cycle

It seems that in your own way, you too are finding your strength by granting him forgiveness and remembrance. It's a sign of healing. When you've risen above your circumstances, you recognize the power of your choices. To give from your own volition speaks more highly about your character than his

Idontbelonghere

@TinyViolins Thank you . I have broken my entire family's cycle as well because I grew up to be kind ...and a good mother . I genuinely love my child and I'm grateful for the gift that they are .